On BBC’s Sherlock, the titular detective is an anti-social weirdo who’s never had sex. So, he’s British. But according to Benedict Cumberbatch, were Mr. Holmes ever to bed a lady (or John), he’d know how to play the vagina (or John) like Jimi Hendrix did the guitar.
When Elle UK asked, “What do you think Sherlock would be like in bed? How would you play a love scene as Sherlock?” Cumberbatch’s initial response was, “Oooh…You know I’d get the, I’d probably test the latex, if it involved prophylactics, beforehand,” because apparently he’s auditioning for the role of the Next Hugh Grant.” Then:
I’d do a little experiment to do with durability, length, girth, and um, strength. And um, I would probably take a lot of vitamin supplements to make sure that I could perform, and had had my sleep, and probably not had many cigarettes. Or drink, for that matter. Not that he does drink.
And:
I would probably watch a lot of porn…
And:
I might have to shave, um, areas to fit in with a modern idea of bodily hair.
And:
And then I would be devastating. I’d know exactly how to please a woman, I’d know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my – his I should say – his fingers, his tongue. Think about violinists, think about what they can do with their fingers.
And:
And I’d know exactly how to get that person into it, and get pleasure out of making that person feel pleasure to the point that I probably wouldn’t even have to enter…
And:
But when I did it would be explosive.
Should this whole “getting cast in every movie and TV show” thing not work out for him, Banjo-Kazooie Cucumber’s got a solid backup career: porn star. Just replace the b’s in “Cumberbatch” with an “h” and “sn,” and boom, he’s ready for Sherc*ck.
