‘Loneliness And Cheeseburgers Are A Dangerous Mix’: 15 Classic Comic Book Guy Quotes From ‘The Simpsons’

12.08.14 4 years ago 17 Comments
For years, Comic Book Guy has been dispensing vicious insults at the patrons of  The Android’s Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop. Today, let’s look back at some of the best one-liners from everyone’s favorite fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan.

1. “Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.”

From “My Sister, My Sitter,” waiting in the emergency room in a wheelbarrow.

2. “Are you the creator of Hi And Lois? Because you are making me laugh.”

From “The Day The Violence Died,” when Bart seriously underbids for a rare Itchy & Scratchy drawing.

3. “Since we are not familiar with sarcasm, I shall close the cash register.”

From “Marge Be Not Proud,” when Bart hopes he might really just give him $59 to buy Bonestorm.

4. “Oh, a sarcasm detector. Oh, that’s a real useful invention!”

From “They Saved Lisa Brain,” subsequently breaking the sarcasm detector.

5. “What? You mean action figures?”

From “Worst Episode Ever,” when Dr. Hibbert encourages him to “find some friends that aren’t printed on paper.”

6. “There’s no emoticon for what I’m feeling”

From “The Computer Wore Menace Shoes,” expressing his outrage at Homer’s story about Mayor Quimby using the pothole repair money for a swimming pool.

7.  “I adore Edna. She’s near mint and comes from a very limited edition — females who will talk to me.”

From “My Big Fat Geek Wedding,” after falling for Mrs. Krabappel.

8. “Oh goody. Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.”

From “Worst Episode Ever,” having a rough altercation with Agnes Skinner. Naturally, it would lead to a romance between the pair.

9. “Last night’s Itchy & Scratchy was without a doubt the Worst. Episode. Ever. Rest assured I was on the internet in minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.”

From “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show,” giving Poochie’s debut a decidedly negative review and creating an immortal catchphrase in the process.

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