We all should have seen this coming. After Letterman made A.J. Clemente the subject of his Top Ten a couple of days ago, he finally got our favorite sh*t f*cking news anchor as a guest. The interview was entertaining and Clemente seems like the type of guy who says “f*cking sh*t” a lot. Dave made a good point that Clemente should get his job back for making his news station the most popular local news show in the country. Hey, J-school kids who work so hard to be professional and dignified: you should have just yelled “sh*tty f*ckmonster” years ago and you could have skipped those state fair stories in Poughkeepsie.
— Jimmy Kimmel is the king of the post-monologue sketch. Tonight he had his trifecta of crazy high school girls quizzing a teacher on their prom dates. While not as good as the Coachella skit, these girls are unbelievable, creating an incredibly awkward turn of events.
— Kimmel also had Depeche Mode so yeah, that wins. Their performance was the best thing to happen to Selena Gomez because the less said about her performing on Letterman the better.
— Tom Cruise has reached the level of crazy that even when he’s relatively lucid he comes off as bat-dung crazy. On Leno, he discussed his love of doing his own stunts and how many motorcycle crashes he can get himself into on set. Pretty mundane story, but dammit he just creeps me out. Right, America? Anyway, here’s Tom Cruise reciting his most famous movie lines because Leno has officially run out of ideas.
— Jessica Pare was on Fallon revealing that her mom likes to perform Zubi Zubi Zoo too…not sure if turned on. Anyway, relevant: