What We Learned From This Week's Stagnant, Anti-Climactic Episode Of 'Dexter'

There’s not too much to say about this Dexter final season episode. There was a lot of yadda yadda yadda, and not very much action. The episode’s main plotline was as predictable as Dexter has become in recent seasons. It was a stagnant, brutally dull episode, poorly edited, not very well acted, and badly written. Masuka said “cray cray.” That’s the kind of episode it was, and honestly, Dexter can’t die soon enough.

Worse still, one of the season’s major plotlines may have wrapped up, and if so, they did a dreadful job with it. Let’s just knock this recap out with a few bullet points.

1. Initially, Dexter was upset with Debra’s attempt to take his life, despite the fact she saved him. In fact, he was”deeply hurt” by what Debra did. Uh. Well, yeah. She tried to kill him. On the bright side, Debra has hit rock bottom. Saving Dexter was the first step of recovery.

It’s been a months-long spiral, so it’s going to be a long road to recovery, right?

2. Not really. It takes all of about 24 hours for Dexter and Debra to become besties again.

After the cops identified the supposed brain surgeon killer, Yates, the serial killer abducted Vogel. Debra and Dexter bonded over their search for Yates. Vogel used Yates’ mother issues to forestall the removal of her little toe, and predictably, Dexter and Debra found Yates before he could hurt Vogel. Dexter drove a curtain rod through a bed, and into the body of Yates, killing him, which might have been even a little bit cool if they’d actually shown the curtain rod going through Yates. TAKES SOME NOTES FROM BASIC CABLE, DEXTER. LET’S SEE SOME BLOOD.

3. Not only is Yates dead, but I guess maybe he actually was the Brain Surgeon killer? However, with Debra and Dexter bonding, Dexter welcomes Vogel back into the family. In fact, at the end of the episode, Dexter brings Vogel and Debra out on the Slice of Life to dispose of Yates’ body. “I wanted to be with family.”

How sweet.

The scenes from next week suggest that they have put the Brain Surgeon killer behind them, and if in fact it was Yates, then that’s some bad writing, because Yates didn’t know about Dexter, but the Brain Surgeon killer sent Dexter and Vogel a gift of brain chunks two episodes ago. Also, Yates was all about feet, and not brain pieces. So, either Yates was a Red Herring and Vogel is the actual Brain Surgeon Killer, which also makes no damn sense given past events, or the Dexter writers are really bad at their jobs.

4. Masuka is glowing about having a daughter and is excited to have some family, because “family” is the theme of the episode and they needed to shoehorn that point in as many places as possible. However, Masuka is suspicious that Nikki wants something from him. He hires Debra to dig up information on his her.

5. Angie Miller is making a play for Sergeant. She also had lines in THREE SCENES this week (you go!) and seems like a MUCH better fit than that jackass Quinn. The spoiler scenes from next week also suggest that Miller is given the promotion over Quinn.

6. Meanwhile, Quinn and Miller are investigating the Hamilton case, where it seems obvious that the son, Zeke Hamilton, murdered the maid, who was his father’s lover. It’s not an interesting case, though the scenes from next week’s episode suggest that the Hamilton kid could be an interesting character, another Dexter.

It should also be noted that Captain Matthews is being a dick about the Hamilton case, doing his damndest to keep Quinn from investigating Zeke for some reason. He’s hiding something. Again.

7. Finally, I have no idea what it has to do with the rest of the season, but the nanny, Jamie, set Dexter up with the neighbor on a double date that went nowhere. However, Dexter and the neighbor have agreed to see each other again. Maybe Hannah will show up while they are f—ing?

8. Oh yeah: Debra’s boss seems to have a crush on her, for whatever that is worth. Maybe there are roofies in those juices he keeps giving her?