‘Game Of Thrones’ Theater: Imagined Conversations Based On The Promo Images For ‘The Winds Of Winter’

Editor-at-Large
06.23.16 6 Comments
bran

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The season finale of Game of Thrones is upon us. There is, to put it mildly, a lot going on. Jon and the Wildlings have taken back Winterfell — with a big assist from Littlefinger — and now they need to figure out what to do going forward, Tommen has gone full naive rube and joined the High Sparrow, Daenerys just nuked half a navy and formed an allegiance with Yara, and Arya is… somewhere, presumably still on her way home. Let’s see what kind of light the official episode synopsis can shed on this:

Cersei faces her trial.

Fair enough!

As always, the real analysis of all of this is better left to the experts, so instead, here are some highly unlikely conversations based on the official photos for the episode, titled “The Winds of Winter.” I was gonna do one for the one of Bran at the top of the page, but all I could come up with was a single, “Hey girl.” I stand by it.

dany tyrion

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TYRION: You wouldn’t believe how crazy things have been here since you left. I have to get you caught up. But first, how have you been?

DAENERYS: Pretty good.

TYRION: Tell me everything.

DAENERYS: Well, after I escaped the fighting pit on my dragon, I was taken hostage by a Dothraki army, who were set to do unspeakable things to me until I informed them that I was a Khaleesi, the wife of the fallen Khal Drogo.

TYRION: Wow, that reminds me of the negotiation I had with the Mas-…

DAENERYS: The other Khals wanted to essentially imprison me along with the other widowed Khaleesis, but then I ran into Jorah and Daario, who wanted to liberate me but actually just gave me an idea…

TYRION: …

DAENERYS: So what I did was, when the other Khals called me into the temple to decide my fate, I called them all spineless impotent cowards and told them they could all go take turns sitting on a pineapple for all I cared…

TYRION: Holy crap.

DAENERYS: … and then after they more or less threatened to sexually violate me until I died, I barred the doors and kicked over a bunch of torches and the temple went up in flames like it had been wiped down with gasoline, and their screams filled the night sky like the wails of tortured demons as I watched them all burn to death in front of me…

TYRION: Jesus!

DAENERYS: … and then, after the last bit of life had left the last of the Khals, I exited the temple, unburnt but totally unclothed, and stood there naked in the flames in front of hundreds of thousands of Dothraki, who then kneeled before me and proclaimed me their first ever female leader.

TYRION: Wow.

DAENERYS: What about you?

TYRION: … Uh… so Missandei told me this joke…

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