GIF Of Thrones Recap: ‘And Now His Watch Is Ended’

As much as you may have loved “And Now His Watch Is Ended” — and if you didn’t love “And Now His Watch Is Ended,” you’re as misguided as Theon is scared of the letter X — Emilia Clarke loved it more. Our fierce Khaleesi had a fantastic first season, before being literally trapped in the middle of the desert during an underwhelming season two; there was little for her to do, other than yell about the whereabouts of her flying babies from time to time, and Clarke rarely had the opportunity to show off her acting prowess. Book readers were holding their tongues around those who haven’t read the 10-pound tome that is A Feast for Crows, though, knowing full well that all the standing around and dusty shouting and general lack of things bursting into flames would eventually pay off in Astapor. And boy did they, in a scene that should at least get Clarke nominated for an Emmy.

Put another way, Y’ALL SEE THEM BIG ASS MOTHERF*CKING DRAGONS? To the recap.

“Watch,” and Game of Thrones overall, is great because a man who just lost his hand drinking horse piss in the mud is like the 10th most memorable thing that happened this episode. (Via)

Mondays, am I right? Just the right amount of time was spent on Jaime and Brienne after their handful of more-than-fair scenes last week. We see the Kingslayer as a broken man, down in the (possibly literal) dumps, get his ass kicked in a swordfight, and Brienne call him the most devastating of insults, a WOMAN. And that’s about it. Depressing, clever (Sapphire Island: I can think of two things wrong with that title), effective. (Via)

Oh, Varys, with the laugh of a delightful dandy. The Spider has silently crept his way through most of the show so far, but he got his big revealing monologue in “Watch,” patiently telling Tyrion how his manhood was stolen from him by a sorcerer when he was merely a boy, traveling with a troop of actors. Unlike most everyone else in Westeros, who seek justice as quickly as possible, quite often to their detriment, Varys waited years, decades even to get his revenge. WHAT’S IN THE BOX?!? Only the same sorcerer who threw the Spider’s “parts” into the flame. Varys might be the most dangerous man or woman in the kingdom, or at least the deceptively ruthless. (Via)

Heh. (Via)

That face. (Via)

What say you, Cersei, about this blooming, bathed in blood-and-guts relationship? (Via)

*backs away from computer slowly* (Via)

Not-Simon looks like a Hobbit sex offender. Anyway, I’m still not sure what to say about the former “Prince of Winterfell”: his plot feel disconnected to everything else that’s happening on the show, oddly more so than Dany’s, despite her only sharing scenes with one other major character. I don’t pity him, nor did I enjoy his getting his comeuppance after a brief escape. Theon’s just…Theon, and Theon’s not terribly exciting. (Via)

Meanwhile, “unexciting” isn’t a word I’d use to describe our introduction to Beric, who wears an eye-patch like THE BOSS, not a Governor. We haven’t seen the Lord of Blackhaven since season one, when Ned ordered him to hunt down the Mountain. Well, now Beric’s got his brother, as well as Ned’s bold daughter (and, um, Gendry), but he’s only challenging one of them to a winner-take-all duel. The Brotherhood without Banners fighting for the same Lord of Light as Melisandre adds an interesting wrinkle to the story; not sure how Ned would feel about that. (Via)

Or, the greatest Family Feud category ever. In the other important Varys scene, he walks and talks with the equally manipulative Queen of Thorns about what’s to be done with Sansa. The Tyrell’s plan: make her a pawn in their game, not Littlefinger’s, by wedding her to Ser Loras in Highgarden, disrupting Lord Baelish’s ideas of power. (Via)

Cheer up, Cersei, you had a rough week, from the entire kingdom loving Margaery, but not you, to the way your father shot you down (also, your weird misread of him caring for Tyrion more than you, which c’mon, girl, give yourself more credit than that). But maybe you’ll appear in the Attractive Women of Game of Thrones Power Rankings? #5. Cersei (see!), #4. Margaery, #3. Missandei, #2. Ros, #1. Daenerys, obviously (Via)

Night’s watch yo’ back. After days spent scooping pig sh*t and being fed food not fit for a rat, the boys in black finally snap and murder Craster, which fair enough, but also possibly Jeor, which not so much. In the ensuing commotion, Sam runs off with Gilly, presumably to live a happy life full of not-dead boy babies and all the hot pies “Piggy” can eat. Man, I miss Hot Pie more than I thought I would. (Important note on Sam for book readers below.) (Via)

Game of Thrones presents: DROGON UNCHAINED

“Sold to the man with the exceptional army, and his unexceptional beard.” (Via)

“Kill white slave traders and get paid for it? What’s not to like?” (Via)

“What’s the point of having a slaver who speaks Valyrian if you can’t wheel ’em out when you have a Valyrian guest?” (Via)

“They are mine to burn!” (Via)

“Drogon, you uppity son of a…” (Via)

“I like the way you die, boy.” (Via)

“Let’s get out of here.” (Via)

“I’ll be damned…” (Via)

“And in the odd chance there are any Astronomy aficionados amongst you, the North Dragon is…that one.” (Via)

“Daenerys, motherf*ckers.” (Via)