GIF Of Thrones Recap: ‘The Climb’

“You’re hereee, there’s nothing I fearrr…” It speaks to our grand expectations of Game of Thrones that a storyline about a fiery redhead and her Dashboard Confessional fan lover climbing up a 700-hundred-foot wall made of ice could be considered kind of boring, and yet here we are: Jon and Ygritte added an unwanted “My Heart Will Go On” (or Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb”) feel to “The Climb,” leading to probably the weakest episode of the season.

It’s not that I dislike the Wildings — they’re arguably the most sensible characters on the show; whereas the climb Littlefinger speaks of during his episode-ending monologue is figurative for those who bow to Joffrey, it’s all too literal for Mance Rayder & Co. But rather, when murderous kings and “sword swallower” quips are involved in King’s Landing, I’d much rather spend time there than Beyond (or On) the Wall, where much of the action in “The Climb” takes place. It also doesn’t help that Jon Snow lacks any semblance of charisma, at least for now. But now that the giant metaphor has been scaled and conquered, things should get better, for everyone except Ros. Poor, poor Ros.

Jaime and Brienne are Game of Thrones‘ old married couple who fight and bite and fight, but ultimately love one another. He won’t let Roose Bolton hand her over to Robb for her alleged assistance with Cat’s treason, even if it means he’d be returned to King’s Landing, so long as he reassures Daddy Tywin that Roose had nothing to do with his new look; she helps him cut his food. Together, they’re snappy dressers. (Via)

Couldn’t someone skin, I dunno, Theon instead? Oh, wait… (Via)

Whatever could that mean? (Via)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. More on Sansa later. (Via)

“You know how I know you’re gay?” Lady Olenna began, inducing a groan from Tywin. He had heard that she was a joke-teller, but he had no time for laughs; there was work to be done and arrangements to be made. But he was also smart enough to know that this mirthful woman wouldn’t leave his side until he indulged in her senseless tomfoolery. He irritatingly replied, “How?” growling out each letter, his teeth clenched in annoyance. “Because you’re the first King’s Hand I’ve known to add ‘jobber’ to the end of his title.” Tywin chuckled for the first time in 25 years. (Via)

Ygritte was one of my favorite characters in the books, but Rose Leslie plays her with a certain audaciousness that I find even more appealing on-screen. It’s not just her quick wit and love of sentences that end with a person’s entire name I find appealing; I also like the way she plays the Wilding as if she’s both disgusted and fascinated by the world around her. There’s a charming unpredictability (well, charming for us; terrifying for Jon) to the character that’s all Leslie. (Via)

This Week in Robb Being a Dumb-Dumb: he guilt trips Edmure into marrying one of Walder Frey’s presumably ugly daughters, not realizing the irony of what he’s making his uncle do. (Via)

That’s some mighty fine glass you’ve got there, Sam. Mighty fine, indeed. It’s time for the Ros Memorial Attractive Women of Game of Thrones Power Rankings: #5. Cersei, #4. Brienne, #3. Melisandre, #2. Ygritte, #1. Ros. I mean, not like that; I choose to remember her as she was, before she looked like Dead Body #3 on Hannibal. (Via)

The Passion of the Theon continues, and it’s marginally more interesting than it’s been all season. The show’s clearly playing the Daenerys-in-season-two long game here, because every time something that could be construed as plot development happens — Theon escapes, Theon guesses who his creepy kidnapper is, etc. — the writers pull the rug, or flay the skin as it were, from beneath/off us. My guess: “Misfits Simon” is working for the Boltons (and we’re supposed to be gaining sympathy for Theon), which at this rate, will be revealed in season six. (Via)

Misfits Simon,” hero to non-sexual masseuses everywhere. (Via)

Nice callback. Gotta give Theon some credit here: he is a c*nt. (Via)

Suck it, Katniss and girl from Revolution. Anyway, I can’t find a GIF of Joffrey’s work on Ros (R.I.P.), but if you look closely, you’ll notice that he shot her in the same places as Arya did her straw target. Maybe Joffrey’s just really upset that no one’s made him direwolf bread? (Via)

In a major departure from book three, it was nice to see Melisandre interacting with people outside of Stannis and Davos, and in a solid bit of acting, for her to be taken aback by the presence of Arya (who’s not a fan — “that’s because you’re a girl,” Gendry jokes). Melisandre is in need of Gendry’s Baratheon bastard blood (BBB, as they say), but I can’t help but read her “foot soldiers” line as kicking some dirt as she’s walking away from Thoros; she’s a wee bit jealous that he’s able to resurrect Beric time and time again. To her, faith is an arms race: the more you believe, the more power you hold. But even for red priestesses who give birth to demon babies in caves, nothing’s set in stone. (Via)

Tyrion’s Team Matty, all the way. (Via)

That GIF says everything you need to know about Sansa and Shae. The former wears her emotions on her fancy sleeves, and no matter how many plans go awry for her, she still believes that she’s but a day away from eternal bliss, be it with a gay husband or otherwise, while Shae’s played the game enough that she’s learned arrangements never go the way you want them to. Yet both feel the same thing: betrayed by Tyrion, and Sansa’s shot at freedom has literally sailed away, the mockingbird cruelly taunting her from afar. (Via)

“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail, and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given the chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the realm, or the gods, or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is…and I’m sick and f*cking tired of making fundraising calls.” (Via)

See. “I’M KING OF THE WORLD, MA, whoever you are.” (Via)