Thank god we’re now just under two weeks out from the premiere of American Horror Story: Freak Show. Why thank god? Because I’m that excited for the premiere? Well, yes and no. Despite the best efforts of FX’s marketing department, I am begrudgingly still looking forward the premiere. But because thanks to those best efforts I mentioned, in the past month we haven’t gone so much as a day without some kind of news or cast interview or marketing push. Including these three I’m about to present, FX has released fifteen teasers since August 20th. Fifteen! That’s nearly one every other day!
That’s like going to TGI Friday’s and ordering nine plates of their Endless Apps℠ mozzarella sticks. Do you really think I’m going to be hungry for my Jack Daniel’s® Mixed Grill after all those goddamn mozzarella sticks? I mean sure, the first few plates were a guilty cheesy pleasure, but there can be too much of a thing of questionable goodness.
So lets dive into these last few plates of fried appetizers, er — I mean, American Horror Story: Freak Show teasers and hope to hell these truly are the last ones.
I’ll start with this one because it came out last week. The YouTube descriptions reads: “We come in all shapes and guises …” It shows a creepy looking little girl holding the hand of a tall man whose face you can’t see. Then she stops holding his hand. That is literally all that happens.
This one features a lady who appears to be a conjoined twin. The YouTube description reads “Double your pleasure …” Ha ha ha! I get it, like the gum commercial. I like the cut of your jib, Ryan Murphy.
Speaking of things that are not biologically possible, is it possible for conjoined twins to share not only a brain but a pair of eyes? And more importantly, is it possible for them to look so glamorous while doing so?
That’s it. Gooble gobble, motherf*ckers. See you on October 8th.