TV Guide has a video up on their site — which I can’t get to embed properly because at least one of us in this tango is incompetent — featuring JWOWW, Snooki, and Deena from “Jersey Shore” giving dating advice for Valentine’s Day. Most of it is exactly what you’d expect: Snooki signing off on having sex on the first date, JWOWW suggesting women wear tight, leopard print dresses and tan themselves orange, and so on. But the highlight of the clip comes when newest cast member Deena opens her big beautiful mouth and utters this glorious hodgepodge of words:
“I think if you’re trying to wife-up a guy, definitely don’t do sex on the first date.”
Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus, that is fantastic. “If you’re trying to wife-up a guy, definitely don’t do sex on the first date.” DO SEX. Not “have sex.” DO. SEX. I swear, every time I think I’m done with these goons, they go and do something like this that absolutely blows me away. The best part about it is that, delightfully misguided syntax aside, it’s actually pretty reasonable advice. Especially when you compare it to some of the other tips in the video. I guess what I’m getting at is that New Jersey should probably add this sentence to their sex education curriculum effective immediately. It couldn’t hurt.