On Tuesday, arguably the best-worst thing since November 8, 2016 happened, when excerpts were released from Stormy Daniels’ upcoming tell-all book, Full Disclosure, that described the penis of President Donald Trump. In graphic detail, Daniels wrote of the presidential genitalia, “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool … I lay there, annoyed that I was getting f*cked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.”
For anyone in the business of covering the day-to-day antics of Trump, this news was the equivalent of throwing chum to the sharks, and naturally late night hosts were no exception. Above, Jimmy Kimmel joked that Daniels’ “describes Trump’s penis as smaller than average, but admitted she was impressed it had his name embossed in gold on it.”
“And just like that I will never eat a mushroom or eat a video game ever again,” he said, after reading the excerpt. He was then joined by Tracy Morgan doing a wildly improvisational impression of Trump, in full body orange paint.
Meanwhile, Seth Meyers could barely contain his giddy revulsion, quipping, “So for once, let’s not take A Closer Look,” of his trademark breakdown segments. “That’s a joke about the news,” he deadpanned. “You might be saying, how dare you make a joke about a penis looking like a video game character, but that’s the [bleeping] news right now.”
“My head’s not in the gutter,” he continued,” it’s in the news, which is in the gutter.”
Even Jimmy Fallon, who typically prefers to shy away from politics, couldn’t contain his glee at the news. “Stormy Daniels has written a book about Trump, an advance copy just came out and she actually writes about her night with Trump in detail,” he said, before pausing for dramatic effect, “which explains why every copy comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismal and a straw.”
“People are like, forget the shape, how does he explain the giant red dots,” he said, showing a graphic of Toad on camera. “That’s what I’d be worried about.”
James Corden was the only one who didn’t kick off his monologue by discussing Trump’s member, but it didn’t take long for him to get there. “Boy, she doesn’t not hold back,” he remarked of Daniels’ book.
“Now listen, listen. No matter what your politics are, that’s just disrespectful,” he said, after reading the excerpt. “He’s not the mushroom character in Mario Kart. his name is Toad, okay? You call him by his name, dammit! Have a little respect.”
“This is awful,” he continued. “It’s not enough that Trump has ruined reality for most of us, he’s now ruining video games.”
This is sadly just the world we live in now, where nothing is safe from being ruined by Trump. The president has yet to comment on the allegations that his penis looks like Toad from Mario Kart, but one would have to imagine this added mockery isn’t making the news go down any easier.