John Oliver Pays Tribute To The Best Things That Don’t Exist, Like ‘Bread Pants’

More often than not, John Oliver’s “How Is This Still a Thing?” deep dive segments on Last Week Tonight concern things that probably shouldn’t exist anymore. From important subjects like the confusing state primaries and caucuses that oftentimes exist simultaneously, to utterly useless items like pennies, credit reports and Cadbury Creme Eggs, no one or thing is safe from the comedian’s ire. Then again, as the hit HBO program proved over the Memorial Day Weekend, Oliver has just as much to say about those fantastic dreams of the human imagination that have never managed to break into the real world.

Last Week Tonight‘s first (and hopefully not last) entry in the new web series, “How Is This Not a Thing?” is rife with wonderful ideas that aren’t that far-fetched. They include, but are not limited to:

  • “An all-dog version of the Blue Man Group.”
  • “A universal safe word for getting out of small talk that’s run its course.”
  • “Ambien, but for getting through the part of the day when you’re awake.”
  • “A house key that cries like a baby if you’re about to leave home without it.”

And, last but not least, “bread pants.” A brilliant yet sadly nonexistent special type of sweatpants that — unlike what me and the rest of the Uproxx writers and editors working this Memorial Day are currently wearing — is both edible and stain-resistant.