John Travolta: Ruining Alcohol (And Brazil) The Same Way He Ruined Christmas

07.27.13 5 years ago 8 Comments
John Travolta rum commercial

photo via Facebook

Back in December, John Travolta teamed up with Grease co-star Olivia Newton John to cover ‘This Christmas,’ instantly ruining music, holiday fun and the way we comfortably view peoples’ faces forever. “This is as bad as it gets,” you might’ve thought to yourself. “At least I can still get drunk and enjoy warm weather.”

Now, thanks to his heart-stopping appearance in a Brazilian liquor commercial, John Travolta has ruined drinking and warm weather. Also sports, friendship, handshakes and hats.

Here’s the clip, in its original (I’m assuming) 240p glory.

Let’s break this down, shall we?

1. John Travolta, cosplaying as Walter White, walks through the streets of Brazil. When Travolta walks he is accompanied by disco music, but because he’s no longer 19-year old Tony Manero, the track has gone from “legendary disco hits” to “Barnes & Noble funk.”

2. John is greeted by a sexy Brazilian jogger. He either (1) doesn’t understand the language, or (2) hasn’t been spoken to by a woman in years, so he makes a weird lizard face that is supposed to convey, “heh heh,” but more accurately conveys, “help, I have a horrifying lizard face.”

3. John is greeted by a local merchant who desperately wants to have sex with him. John loses his hat and glasses in the exchange.

4. John wanders into a beach soccer game and finds himself standing in front of a ball that has rolled out of bounds. The locals urge him to kick it back in, so he gives it a full-on The Karate Kid crane kick, banks it off a palm tree and scores a goal for … somebody. Himself, I guess?

5. This happens:


6. The locals are pleased.

7. John is invited to a dancing rum party, where the least realistic people in Brazil have gathered to get drunk and do the hand-jive around the godless Tiki that used to be John Travolta.

I’ll give them credit, it does make make want to drink.

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