NBC Is Absolutely Determined To Ensure You Are Less Ready For Some Football

Entertainment Features
08.21.13 22 Comments

NBC Executive #1: “So, NFL Sunday Night Football returns on September 8th.”

NBC Executive #2: “Oh, thank God! It’s the one thing on our goddamn schedule we can actually depend on. For 16 weeks out of the year, Univision can kiss our ass!”

NBC Executive #1: “I know, right! And the great thing about Sunday Night Football is that we don’t have to do a damn thing. We literally can’t mess this up. Those jackasses over on Monday Night Football hired Jon Gruden, and people STILL watch. It’s amazing. They even fired Ron Jaworski, the one guy on their team who actually knows something about football, and 20 million people still tune in.”

NBC Executive #2: “We have a monopoly. We have football. People want to watch football, and for three hours every Sunday night, there’s nowhere else to go! We could show the Kansas City Chiefs against the Cleveland Browns, and 15 million people will still watch because some doofus has Dwayne Bowe on his fantasy football team, and he’s not even starting! They just want to make sure he doesn’t put up 100 yards and a TD so they won’t feel miserable all week about benching him! Marketing this is the easiest job on the planet!”

NBC Executive #1: “Exactly! I don’t know sh*t about football, and it doesn’t matter.

NBC Executive #2: “Me neither! This job is amazing!”

NBC Executive #1: “So, what should we do to promote the show this year?”

NBC Executive #2: “Who cares?!”

NBC Executive #1: “NOT ME!”

NBC Executive #2: “I know! Why don’t we just get Matt Lauer and Ken Jeong and Heidi Klum to sing the Sunday Night Football theme. And Billy Bush, because NOTHING says Sunday Night Football like BILLY BUSH.”

NBC Executive #1: “Perfect! Let’s get Howie Mandel, too. Oh, and Joan and Melissa Rivers! They like football, right?”

NBC Executive #2: “Who cares?!”

NBC Executive: #1: “Exactly. Joe Scarborough?”

NBC Executive #2: “Sure! Why not. Oh, and that black woman who is on Community and The View and The Help.

NBC Executive: #1: “Uh, those are three different women.

NBC Executive: #2: “Oh, sh*t. Really?”

NBC Executive: #1: “You are such a racist.”

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