If Beloved Nickelodeon Shows Were Given Gritty Reboots

Senior Pop Culture Editor
09.04.15 2 Comments

The only surprising thing about Nickelodeon possibly reviving Hey Arnold!, among other beloved Nicktoons from the 1990s, is that it hasn’t happened already. It’s a well known property, at least to a certain generation, and it’s not like they’d be the only ones doing it. Were it to come back, though, the premise would probably be something heartwarming and gooey, not hard-to-watch and gritty, unlike Pan and about a million other reboots. That’s a shame, because we have some dark ideas for how to update select animated Nick shows for modern audiences.

Aaahh!!! Real Monsters

The monsters are sick and tired of residing in an underground dump. Why should they live a miserable, sticky existence, just because they’re different than the humans above them? Led by the tyrannical Gromble, the monsters, including scaredy Ickis, dutiful Oblina, and obese Krumm, strike back, first by attacking New Yorkers while they’re sitting on the toilet before taking their deadly strike worldwide. Can mankind defend itself before we’re trash-compacted for good?

Doug

What started as a youthful crush turns into full-blown stalking when Doug Funnie refuses to let the relish on his hotdog, Patti Mayonnaise, be with anyone besides him. There are late-night phone calls, notes scribbled in Honker Burger ketchup left on her door, and he even hires the Beets to sing an all-banjo version of “Killer Tofu” to her… at her wedding to Moo Sleech. Patti files a police report, but the Bluffington cops are in the pocket of Beebe, who’s scared of the dirt Doug wrote in his journal about her. Only one person can help her now, Mr. Dink, and he’s very expensive.

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