The Parents Television Council Is Pretty Steamed About The ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ Season Premiere

In what many influential writers who live in my apartment are calling “basically the least surprising news you can imagine, even if you’re, like, really good at imagining,” the Parents Television Council has announced that, yes, they did indeed have a problem with that hyper-violent, highly-rated Sons of Anarchy season premiere.

“The Parents Television Council is calling on its members to contact Congress to express the urgent need for a consumer cable choice solution in response to the violent and sexually graphic premiere of FX’s Sons Of Anarchy, which featured a young boy committing a school shooting, simulated rape scenes, torture of women, and a man who was drowned in a bathtub of urine,” PTC complained this morning. [Deadline]

Well, yeah. When you put it like that.

Look, as tempted as I am to say “Then maybe don’t let your kids watch the show about the violent motorcycle gang that airs at 10 p.m. and has the word ‘Anarchy’ right there in the title,” I’d rather just bring up one little fun part of this story. In order to document all the awful, horrible things that happened during the Sons of Anarchy premiere in this press release, some member of the Parents Television Council had to watch it, take notes, and report it to the higher-ups, right? Right. Here’s what I want you to do:

Find a nice quiet place where you won’t be disturbed, close your eyes, and create the most vivid mental image you can of the reaction that poor, dedicated person must have had while watching someone get drowned in a bathtub full of urine. Really let your mind wander free for a minute or two.

What did you see? I pictured a middle-aged blond woman in tan slacks and a light blue sweater clutching her pearls so violently that her fingers were bleeding. There really aren’t any wrong answers.