Sheen Selling Sober Valley Lodge

Hey everybody, remember Charlie Sheen? Me neither. Apparently he used to be an actor, but now he can’t get a job and his nationwide tour failed, so he’s selling his ironically named home, Sober Valley Lodge. From the Daily Mail:

The listing reads: ‘This custom-built Mediterranean in Mulholland Estates is an entertainer’s dream with spacious public rooms, most of which open to a beautifully landscaped yard featuring a professional outdoor kitchen with dining area, pool and spa.’

“High walls ensure that no one will look in on your three-day benders of smoking a briefcase of cocaine and critiquing porn with hired escorts.”

The home boasts nearly 8,000 square feet of space along with five bedrooms and seven bathrooms.

“That’s seven rooms specially designed for prostitutes to cower in fear!”

Other features include a private screening room and ‘top of the line appliances and finishes.’

“That hooker blood washes right off!” Man, if those walls could talk. They’d probably need a lot of therapy.

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