The Love Between Cory And Topanga Is The Reason Clayton Kershaw Threw A No-Hitter

With the debut of the new series Girl Meets World right around the corner, Ben Savage and Danielle Fishel took their legendary TV character love to Dodger Stadium last night to pump up the crowd for some Los Angeles Dodgers baseball. Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but I like to think that Cory and Topanga Matthews – now married in one of the most important TV decisions ever made – actually inspired the Dodgers themselves, as ace Clayton Kershaw would eventually throw a no-hitter. It all ties together so well that we almost didn’t notice the horrible flaws in this silly false flag operation.

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The TV couple* was joined by Rowan Blanchard, who plays Riley Matthews or the “Girl” of Girl Meets World, and Sabrina Carpenter, who plays her BFF Maya Hart on the show. That’s all fine and dandy, but it’s not enough to mask the sheer impossibility of Cory and Topanga ever being Los Angeles Dodgers fans. Fans of the series will recall that Cory was so attached to the city of Philadelphia that in the two-part series finale, “Brave New World,’ he almost forced Topanga to turn down her job offer in New York City because he couldn’t leave the cheesesteaks and Liberty Bell behind.

So what did it take for him to leave? His brother, Eric, and best friend, Shawn, had to go with him and Topanga, which raised more questions about the bizarre codependence of these characters than it answered questions about life after Mr. Feeny. Obviously the move to New York City worked out fine, because Riley is being raised in the Big Apple as she heads into the 7th grade in Girl Meets World. With that, the Dodgers clearly want us to believe that these Philly-raised New Yorkers would suddenly shed their lifelong allegiances to the Phillies or possibly even the Yankees** for some free Dodgers gear. That’s just lazy planning right there, and it also underestimates the intelligence of people who still think about a TV show that ended more than 14 years ago.

But just as geniuses like myself caught on to this pathetic mistake, the Dodgers kicked sand all over the fire by having Kershaw throw a no-hitter. Well played, Dodgers. Very well played.

*Not like I have to make this distinction, because there’s no way a guy like Ben Savage bags Danielle Fishel in reality. She’s an angel. AN ANGEL, DAMN IT! Sure, people thought they actually dated back in 1993, but Fishel made it clear after all these years that they went on one date, and it was basically like a courtesy thing. And she told that to Maxim, so you know it’s legit.

** I assume that if Cory would adopt a New York City baseball team like a classic bandwagon A-hole, he’d choose the Yankees. Otherwise, he’d have chosen the Mets, and he can’t be a fan of the Phillies and Mets. Unless, of course, he abandoned the Phillies to become a Mets fan, but nobody would ever do that. In conclusion, I’ve put way too much thought into Girl Meets World this morning.