The Morning Links Are Clearly On Ecstasy

Well, yeah. Otherwise they’d die of dehydration. Duh. Vince reviews Water for Elephants. True story: One day when I was filling it at Film Drunk, I came *thisclose* to pulling a screencap from the trailer where Reese Witherspoon rides into town on an elephant like she’s Prince Ali or something, and doing a whole post where I changed the lyrics of the song to make them relevant to her. Not doing so is one of my greatest regrets. [Film Drunk]

I hate this kid. Mark Zuckerberg wants to pay more taxes, which, you know, fine. But his whole existence infuriates me, because I would have been a great 25-year-old billionaire, and he’s doing it all wrong. I have ideas, people. [Uproxx News]

And he moves like an angel. Burnsy’s week in review is heavy on dancing. [Uproxx]

It’s funny because the trophy fell. Brandon Stroud, with the headline of the week. [With Leather]

Pictured at right, my muse. I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t think any of you really grasp how many Kelly Kapowski GIFs I have on my computer. It’s actually a little unsettling. [via LOLSlater]

Be a fair amount of what you can be. The Smoking Section is looking for writers. Do you have what it takes to join the Uproxx clan? For example, I got out of bed after hitting the snooze bar ONLY FOUR TIMES today. [The Smoking Section]

More after the jump, including the latest video by my favorite nine-member, all-girl Korean pop group.

And I’m assuming this is some sort of restaurant, yes? Pia Toscano will appear on “Dancing With The Stars.” I hear that place has great gnocchi. [EW]

Yee-haw, indeed. Via the inimitable bubbaprog, here’s a GIF of Boyd Crowder doing a jig at Mags Bennett’s party a few weeks back. [Mock Session]

Mmmm, sexy cartoons. The fifteen sexiest women of “Archer.” It probably says a lot of bad things about my psychological well-being that I kind of love Cheryl/Carol. [Super Booyah]

Finally, as promised, the newest video by Girls Generation, a group of nine South Korean girls performing choreography in thigh-high boots. Yet ANOTHER thing other countries are doing better than us. Come on, America.