TV

The Most WTF Moments From Last Night’s ‘American Horror Story: Freak Show’

When I saw that this week’s shocking episode of American Horror Story: Freak Show was called “Bloodbath,” I expected that some sh*t was going to go down. But what I did not expect was that the episode would literally feature a character taking a bath in a bathtub full of blood. So, well played on that front, American Horror, for keeping us on our toes. Last night’s episode featured not one, but two surprising major character deaths, and while it was certainly a (mostly) interesting hour of television, overall the series is still lacking an overall cohesive, gripping story arc to really pull viewers in.

Although, they did introduce two new storylines, as Dora’s daughter Regina finally shows up to the Mott estate looking for her mother, instead of just calling the cops or filing a missing person’s report for some reason. Another new character is introduced, as Elsa finds a female performer who will almost definitely not upstage her; an 800 pound New York socialite named Barbara who Elsa rescues from a fat camp and dubs Ima Wiggles. Well, at least she was legitimately distraught about Ma Petite’s disappearance (who everyone thinks was attacked by an animal, getting Del off the hook) for five whole minutes.

I can’t see either storyline going anywhere spectacular, and being that [SPOILER!!!] next week’s episode was originally titled “The Fat Lady Sings” (now changed to “Tupperware Party Massacre“) I have a feeling at least one of these characters is not long for this world.

At the very least, the episode was not short on WTF moments.

Never Trust A Woman Who Wants One Last Schnapps

Definitely didn’t see this one coming. Ethel made good on her promise to Elsa that she’d kill her herself, if she ever did anything to harm the twins. Well, at least she tried, anyway. After supposedly taking the twins “someplace safe,” Ethel confronts Elsa and — during a long and drawn out tense conversation between the two women — Ethel whips out a gun and shoots Elsa in her fake leg. Which she previously did not know was fake, somehow, after spending fourteen years together. Unmoved by Elsa’s sob story (and a flashback cameo by Coven’s Axe Man, who crafted Elsa her fake legs), Ethel prepares to murder her boss, who asks for one last schnapps before she meets her maker. I guess now we know Elsa is, indeed, better with a throwing knife than she lets on.

I Guess That’s One Way To Cover Up A Murder

Of course — of course! — skeevy Stanley assists Elsa in cleaning up Ethel’s murder, in the most gruesomely horrible way possible. Although I’m not sure how a supposedly self-inflicted beheading explained away THE GIANT KNIFE-HOLE IN HER EYE. On the plus side, at least Elsa’s performance was flawless.

Ain’t No Party Like A Tar And Feather Party

Desiree, Legless Suzi, and Amazon Eve all want to help Penny — now known as “Lizard Girl” — get revenge on her horrible dad for permanently disfiguring her, so they slash his tires and have a bunch of magazine subscriptions sent to his house. LOL, J/K! They break into his home, kidnap him, and tar and feather him by pouring hot tar over his head and body. But just before they can “cut off his dick” and feed him to the alligators, Maggie hears his screams and rushes in to save the day, saying that if they murder him then they’ll all be changed forever. Anyway, like it matters since as I said, practically every single person on this season has murdered someone at some point. Not to mention Maggie herself literally came to the freak show to kidnap one of the freaks to sell to science.

Anyway, good sense prevailed and they let her dad go, and I’m almost positive that won’t come to bite them in the ass later this season.

Um.

Jimmy is a f*cking mess, what with being partially responsible for Meep’s death, Ma Petite’s disappearance and now coming to terms with the fact that his own mother killed herself. So he deals with this by drinking (like father like son), and drives away the girl he fought so hard to win over. Who to be fair, still won’t shut the hell up about escaping the freak show. WOMAN, HIS MOTHER JUST DIED. Give a guy a f*cking break!

Still, Jimmy’s coping mechanism to dealing with the loss of his mother and his girlfriend is to take Elsa up on her offer to “find comfort in [Ima Wiggles’s] bosom,” which is . . . Unsettling, to say the least.

Gloria Really Should Have Listened To That Psychiatrist

In a therapy session, Gloria is telling her psychiatrist about her sociopath son (and his history of killing humans and animals), and her psychiatrist wisely recommends that she bring him in. Which she does, but because Dandy is a murderer, not stupid, he quickly figures out that he was not being seen for an IQ test and that instead he’s having his mental state assessed. (But not before a horrifying inkblot session!)

So Dandy makes a deal with his mother, that if she kills Regina, thereby effectively cleaning up his mess, he’ll continue the therapy sessions. But because this show is that much of a disaster, the scene which was shown in the previews for this week’s episode, of Gloria coming up behind Regina and pointing a gun at her head, never happened. Not that this would be the first time this season that the episode previews have been blatantly misleading.

When Dandy asks the psychiatrist earlier in the episode, “do you think it is possible to take someone’s power be eating their flesh, or could you do it just by bathing in their blood?” — as it turns out he was decidedly not screwing around with the guy. After Gloria tells the psychiatrist, who strongly suggests that Dandy be committed for her safety, that they won’t be needing his services after all — Dandy proves the guy right, killing his mother and literally bathing in her blood. No word on whether he really believes that it will “take her power” or if human blood is just the psychopath’s equivalent to bath salts or Mr. Bubbles.

Also, this happened, to the delight of much of the internet (NSFW):

×