The ‘Westworld’ Confusion Index: So… Westworld Is SimCity, Right?

06.04.18 1 year ago 19 Comments


The Westworld Confusion Index is your guide to what we know, what we kind of know, and what we don’t know about Westworld, one of television’s more confusing shows. We will make mistakes, surely, because we rarely know what is happening or why (and whenever we think we’ve figured it out, they go and change it on us), but we will try to have at least as many jokes as mistakes. This is the best we can offer. Here we go.

What We Know


Westworld is SimCity, basically

It didn’t dawn on me until this week. I apologize. I should have picked up on it much earlier. But regardless, it’s there now, plain as day: Westworld is just a billion-dollar, real-life game of SimCity. For Ford, at least. He had me fooled for a little while with all of his talk about consciousness and immortality and such, but he tipped his hand this week when he said “It can be quite a thing, Bernard, to build a world and watch it end.”

That’s SimCity. Ford is a brat kid who builds an entire working city and then sends in the disasters to wreck it all. He’s me, basically. Get past all the humans in the park and the discussions of corporate data collection and that’s what happening here. Ford is me, age 14, watching his Sims tear each other apart in a whirlwind of apocalyptic anarchy, after pressing the button that says “robot revolution.”

The male libido is a heckuva thing

We lost two Delos employees this week. Actually, wait. No. We lost many more than two, as Dolores and her dead-eyed gang of robots stormed the Mesa on a hunt for Abernathy’s brain. But we lost two of note.

First, we lost my beloved mustachioed Delos employee, the guy who showed up last week and talked in sound bites from action movies and died because he couldn’t stop doing it. You may quibble with this assessment and point out that he died because Teddy punched him so hard that his mustache ended up inside his brain, but I would argue that the proximate cause of death was him pausing in that brief moment where he had the upper hand to shout “Happy trails, motherfucker,” which gave Teddy just enough time to turn the tables on him. If you gotta go, I guess…

And speaking of Delos employees who died entirely preventable deaths, condolences to the family and friends of the guy who died because he kind of wanted to hump a robot one last time. Let’s be clear here: That’s what happened. He walked into the room with the Cradle, warnings lights flashing red all around him, the hallways littered with his dead colleagues, prepared to kill who/whatever was in that room causing all the trouble, but then he got in there and Angela started talking sweet to him and you could see him start to do the math in his head. “Do… do I have time to hump a robot one last time?” Incredible. He died via grenade explosion once he got close enough for Angela to pull the pin and take them both out, but really, the cause of death was reckless horniness.

The Ford/Dolores/Arnold/Bernard story is an onion of infinite layers

Let’s see if I have this right:

  • Arnold made Dolores
  • Arnold got in too deep and died
  • Ford made Bernard
  • Ford made many Bernards
  • Ford used Dolores to train the Bernards because Dolores knew him so well
  • Ford got in too deep and died
  • Dolores is on the warpath and Ford has taken over Bernards’ brain from inside the system

Does anyone else miss Maeve killing samurais while Wu-Tang played?

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