American Horror Story: Hotel (FX, 10:00 p.m.) — Lady Gaga and a trippy house of horrors are the stars of the latest iteration of AHS, which focuses on a detective who takes a trip to Hotel Cortez while investigating a series of murders.
Empire (FOX, 9:00 p.m.) — Cookie and Anika work on the down-low to organize a performance without telling Lucious. That performance catches the eye of Pitbull, who guest stars as himself because — when you get Pitbull to come on your program — you don’t water it down by asking him to be someone obviously less awesome than Pitbull.
Modern Family (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) — Oof. Phil immediately regrets convincing his wife to let his daughter’s boyfriend move in with them because, duh.
Arrow (The CW, 8:00 p.m.) — Oliver and Felicity discover that three’s a crowd and four imposing to the point of totally wrecking their getaway when Thea and Laurel show up to tell them that a bad dude named Damien (aren’t all bad dudes named Damien?) has a group of assassins attacking Star City.
NL Wild Card Game (TBS, 8:00 p.m.) — In what’s becoming an October tradition, the Pirates host a third consecutive NL Wild Card Game as the Cubs look to break the curse of the billy goat.
The Goldbergs (ABC, 8:30) — How many times have you accidentally called a VCR a “VHS player?” Old technology, man. Barry suffers at its hand when he accidentally tapes over an old home video of his fifth birthday.
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) — Whoopi Goldberg (!!!) guest stars as the supervisor of a group of social workers who may or may not have ordered her employees to falsify reports.
Black-ish (ABC, 9:30 p.m.) — The family tries to get Pops to buck the “old people don’t go to the doctor” stereotype. They probably aren’t complaining that he’s always got butterscotch candies in his pocket, though.
Nashville (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) — Mortality sucks. Deacon’s beating himself up and Scarlett has to make a tough decision after a second aneurysm leaves Beverly on life support.
The League (FXX, 10:00 p.m.) — The Eskimo Brother family tree is complete when Taco starts a little brothers program and Kevin has to cope with the fact that his daughter is old enough to be in a sex-ed class.
You’re the Worst (FXX, 10:30 p.m.) — Gretchen and Lindsay realize that most of their conversations sound like the Two and a Half Men theme song while Jimmy does the most writer-y thing he can do: question his ability as a writer.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Gina Rodriguez, Ben Bernanke and Tame Impala on Colbert; David Mizejewski and animals, Nasim Pedrad and Robert DeLong on Conan; Jamie Lee Curtis, Sharon Osbourne and Elyes Gabel on Corden; Kate Winslet and Norman Reedus on Fallon; Keanu Reeves, Guillermo del Toro, Thomas Rhett on Kimmel; Joel McHale and Sara Bareilles on Meyers.
