Enlightened (HBO) — This is one of the fall season’s solid new shows that I haven’t seen because I’m only one human staying up until 2:00 a.m. every night trying to watch everything on television. Ordinarily, I’d make a guilty overture about how I should try to watch it, but I can finally say with relief that I’ll probably never see this, and I’m okay with that. Same goes for everything on Showtime. SO LONG SUCKERS!
House (Fox) — Fall finale. “Fall finale” is just the network’s way of saying “last new episode until after the holidays and bowl games.”
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (ABC) — Probably my favorite annual Christmas program, slightly ahead of the stop-motion “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” My only quibble: the way Cindy Lou Who ruins the ending.
Bored to Death (HBO) — Season finale. Jason Schwartzman’s character gets killed off, then Ted Danson and Zach Galifianakis get stoned to celebrate how much better the show is without him. Not really, but that’d be sweet.
The Closer (TNT) — Winter premiere. Ahhhh, TNT police procedurals: for TV viewers who find CBS police procedurals too slickly edited.
Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) — Winter premiere. Oh, “LADYCOPS,” I shall miss you the most of all TNT shows about lady cops. (Bill O”Reilly guest stars as himself on tonight’s episode.)
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kirstie Alley, Damon Wayans Jr, and She & Him on Leno; Regis Philbin on Kimmel; Miranda Kerr on Chelsea; Jason Segel and Das Racist on Conan; and Aisha Tyler on Ferguson. YUUUUUUP.