How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Robin and Barney panic with only a half an hour left before the wedding, and I begin to freak out that there’s only this episode and next week’s left.
Dancing with the Stars (ABC, 8 p.m.) — Lando performed a Star Wars-themed routine last week; maybe tonight D.J. Tanner can dance to a Jesse and the Rippers song?
The Following (Fox, 9 p.m.) — I know Jimmy Fallon’s the “nicest guy in showbiz,” but did he really have to say how much he loved The Following when Kevin Bacon was on The Tonight Show? I don’t buy it.
The Blacklist (NBC, 10 p.m.) — “After a cyber defense asset is stolen by a terrorist only known as Ivan, Red and Liz discover a cover-up.” Never trust an Ivan. Especially that Ivan Pavlov fellow.
Archer (FX, 10 p.m.) — Archer avoids crash landing in a dangerous swamp and comes face-to-face with a shady arms dealer. If only Sterling had been the pilot of MH370…
Rick and Morty (Adult Swim, 10:30 p.m.) — I want ALL of the shows/films from last week’s episode to be real, especially Alien Invasion Tomato Monster Mexican Armada Brothers Who Are Just Regular Brothers Running In A Van From In An Asteroid And All Sorts Of Things The Movie. Tonight, Rick battles the devil.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jimmy Carter and Josh Charles on Letterman; Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carson Daly, and Vampire Weekend on Fallon; Jennifer Connelly and Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings on Kimmel; Betty White on Ferguson; Kathie Lee Gifford, Hoda Kotb, and Kyle MacLachlan on Meyers; Jeff Garlin, Andy Daly, and Todd Barry on Conan; Arianna Huffington on Stewart; and Bryan Cranston on Colbert.