FlipBoardMiss Universe Pageant (NBC) — Once you’re done watching Miss Japan being high, check out Miss USA Alyssa Campanella in her tastefully subdued national costume (as NPR put it: “like Washington crossing the Delaware to go to Hooters.”) Bookies have Alyssa favored third behind Australia and China, which is hogwash because Alyssa is flawless. I’ve spent half my day just dreamily looking at pictures of her, which may explain the superfluous but delightful gallery that follows these listings. Women just shouldn’t be that attractive. It’s depressing for us troll-like regular humans.
Monday Night Football (ESPN) — Your annual kick-off doubleheader features Pats-Dolphins followed by Raiders-Broncos. Follow along with the live-blogs at KSK.
Rizzoli & Isles (TNT) — Summer finale. Say, where’s the “Rizzoli & Isles” porn parody, anyway? I figured it was industry standard for any movie or show that has the letters “-izz” in it.
Kate Plus 8 (TLC) — Series finale. Good riddance, bitch.
Bachelor Pad (ABC) — Season finale. The four remaining couples go to Las Vegas, where one of them will win $250,000 because life isn’t fair.
Gaga by Gaultier (CW) — Designer Jean-Paul Gaultier interviews pop music’s favorite meat-dress model. It’s like every other channel just gave up on male viewers on the night that Monday Night Football came back.
Jizzoli and Assholes?
As Arrested Development taught us, third place in a beauty pageant is fucking gold.
I just took a look at that gallery. Holy shit! That’s a real woman right? She exists in this physical reality, right? That’s not just a really good photoshop composite of other, lesser women right?
My favorite part about that slideshow is how some shots look just like the ones I hacked out of her phone …… uh, scratch that. Restraining orders don’t extend to the target’s electronic devices, do they, Danger?
Seeing her in the flag get up makes me think of the old saying, “let’s run it up the flag pole and see if anyone salutes.” Don’t have a flag pole? Let me see here (zip) …
I like the american apparel-style pics of campanella where it looks like someone took ’em in their parent’s rumpus room. Simple yet boner-causing.
I don’t see the big deal with Campanella… It’s because she’s pretty and has a really good body? Oh. OK.
Her pouty look is way better than her smile. She should go with that through the whole competition, she’ll be a lock.
I’ve spent half my day just dreamily looking at pictures of her…
I’m the same way every time they show Anya (the former Miss Trinidad and Tobago) on Project Runway.
Cooooome to Butthead.
That costume is probably how the rest of the world sees us: loud, tacky and uber-patriotic. Also, kind of obsessed with boobs.
My mom watches Rizzoli and Isles. Thanks for ruining porn for me forever, Matt.
Granted Angie Harmon’s eight pack of Winstons a day voice basically guaranteed I wouldn’t be getting an erection until at least 2025 anyhow.
@Patty – *Nods head*
Matt, that superfluous but delightful gallery is one of the growing list of reasons you’re my hero.
America is sending a GINGER to Ms. Universe!? Why don’t we just throw in the towel now, adopt Communism and and break our children’s toys?
You’re forgetting the formula, Alcoholics:
Male Redheads = creepy and evil
Female Readheads = insanely hot.
I know I’ll be pulling for Alyssa. If you catch my drift.
Oh good God Almighty. She looks so amazing in that bikini.
Lulz @ Conan with the suicidal cow bit.
Female Readheads = insanely hot.
I don’t disagree. The only issue is that there are so many butt ugly red heads out there, the hot ones are that much more hot by comparison.
She’s really really ridiculously good looking but to think that she’d win was a stretch.