Nathan for You (Comedy Central, 10:00 p.m.) — Nathan uses helium-filled balloons to help obese people ride horses. That’s not a joke. Well, it is, but it’s not. You get it.
The Blacklist (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) — “Djinn” is not slang for the present participle of a verb meaning, “to spin records.” It’s actually the name of a woman who specializes in revenge fantasies, and Red is looking for her. Wonder why…
Scandal (ABC, 9:00 p.m.) — Who does the fixer call when she needs something fixed? Leo Bergen, that’s who.
How to Get Away with Murder (ABC, 10:00 p.m.) — Things get personal for Frank, and Asher tries to wrap his brain around the definition of “the truth” when you work for Annalise.
The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8:00 p.m.) — Who’s gonna bring the snacks when Damon, Bonnie and Alaric set off on a road trip to blackmail Damon’s mom?
Bones (FOX, 8:00 p.m.) — Betty White and Ronde Barber (yes, the football player) guest star in what is hopefully the origin story for a fantastic buddy-cop spin-off.
Heroes Reborn (NBC, 8:00 p.m.) — Miko’s trying to save her father and Noah’s trying to find the truth, while Tommy and Emily set out on a new mission.
Sleepy Hollow (FOX, 9:00 p.m.) — Hide yo kids ’cause there’s a new, terrifying monster, and Abbie and Jenny aren’t sure they can stop it.
Benders (IFC, 10:00 p.m.) — Paul’s learning to defend himself. To switchblade, or not to switchblade? That’s the question.
Thursday Night Football (CBS, 8:25 p.m.) — The Niners and Seahawks kick-off Week 7 of NFL action.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Sarah Silverman, Paige and Megan Gailey on Conan; Bradley Cooper, Joy Behar, Esperanza Spalding and Paul Shaffer on Kimmel.