One of the best things about being alive in the 21st century is that, if you can secure the funding, you can launch pretty much anything you dang well please into space. We saw a great example of this a few months ago when Russia sent five geckos into the cosmos for the sole purpose of “facilitating research on the effects of zero-gravity on reproductive systems.” They shot lizards into space to, well… to watch lizards hump in space. It was fantastically ambitious, and borderline insane, and we should never let its ultimate failure prevent us from remembering everyone involved — man and beast alike — as a hero.
Along these same lines, technically pre-dating the Russian Sex Gecko Initiative, the Ardbeg distillery in Scotland launched whisky into space back in 2011 as part of a “maturation experiment” to test the different reactions “between normal gravity on Earth and micro- gravity i.e. space.” And now I am very, very pleased to report that after three years of orbiting the Earth at 17,227 mph inside the International Space Station, THE SPACE WHISKY HAS RETURNED.
We predict excitement levels are set to go atmospheric as we can announce the experiment has landed – Kazakhstan, Central Asia to be exact!
Waiting on the ground were assorted boffins ready to rush the experiment to a scientific laboratory in Houston. Among their number is our very own whisky creator, the eminent Dr. Bill Lumsden. It will be the team’s task to proceed to unlock the mysteries of maturation, through the study of the interaction between Ardbeg-crafted molecules and charred oak, both in micro-gravity (in orbit) and normal gravity (in Ardbeg’s Warehouse 3).
Dr. Bill will be revealing the maturation secrets of the universe in a white paper to be unveiled at a later date after the exhaustive studies. [Ardbeg]
As we discussed back when Dogfish Head brewed a beer using moon rocks, there are obvious concerns here. Namely, that the whisky will have picked up some sort of alien DNA that begins a rapid mutation process once it is exposed to oxygen, and that as soon as one person ingests it they will become the host of a highly contagious incurable alien disease that will resut in the end of life on Earth as we know it.
But, that aside, a Scottish distillery launched scotch into orbit and three years later it crash landed in Kazakhstan and was immediately shipped to a Houston laboratory to be experimented on by a dude named Dr. Bill. Everything about this story is tremendous. I just wish the sex geckos were alive to see it.
Source: Laughing Squid