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Anderson Cooper Torched Ted Cruz For ‘Wandering Dorm Halls In A Paisley Bathrobe’ Instead Of Serving In The Military He Now Says Is ‘Emasculated’

Ted Cruz often makes it too easy for the internet to mercilessly drag him but that didn’t stop Anderson Cooper from bringing his “A” game during a CNN segment blasting the Texas senator for comments he made about America’s military servicemen and women.

During a weekend taping, Cooper sharpened his linguistic knives to publicly humiliate the man whose recent accomplishments include falling asleep during a presidential address and inspiring the trending hashtag #FatWolverine after Cruz shared a Russian propagandist video that seemed to dunk on our troops. The original tweet showed footage of Russian military members training before cutting to an American woman who credited her two Queer moms as her inspiration for joining the service. In response, Cruz posted this:

And sure, Twitter almost immediately came for the human possum with some brilliant digs and clever wordplay, but we’re here to show some respect for Cooper, who dedicated a handful of on-air minutes to absolutely shredding what little is left of the man’s dignity.

After confirming that he does indeed still think about the time Cruz abandoned his fellow Texans, leaving them to die in a snowstorm while he jetted off to Cancun before later blaming the ill-timed trip on his pre-teen daughters (we do too, Anderson), the CNN host suggested Cruz might have first seen the video on far-right, fascist-supporting media since that’s where the video originated. He then mocked Cruz’s shockingly lazy follow-up post, one that employed the use of the “old anti-gay slur” to call our troops “pansies.”

“A word I’m quite sure he’s familiar with,” Anderson solemnly stated. “From his youth.”

Anderson then played an interview clip that shows Cruz confirming he did “think” about serving in the military at one point, but decided not to, stating it’s one of his biggest regrets. Anderson fired back, “I bet he does wish he served because it’d be better for him politically now” before adding that Cruz was “too busy in college pursuing other manly, un-pansy-like pursuits.” Those pursuits, according to a Daily Beast article written with the help of Cruz’s former classmates, included Cruz walking around the dorms in a “paisley bathrobe” and joining the “colonial eating club,” whatever the hell that is.

But, perhaps Anderson’s best dig doubles as a piece of advice Cruz should definitely follow in the future: if you didn’t serve in the military, don’t attack the men and women who did.

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