Twitter is a powerful communication tool if you’re in certain industries. It’s also a powerful echo chamber where your own beliefs and feelings can easily be reinforced if you cultivate your feed a certain way. You only have to follow the people you want to, mind you, and that amount of confirmation bias can make you feel right now matter how weird your opinion.
But that might not include your thoughts about home goods such as bath towels. As one man found out this weekend, the amount of towels you are “supposed” to have is wildly different depending on, well, a lot of things. Yashar Ali, a New York-based writer, replied to a tweet asking how many towels you’re expected to have as an adult.
The problem is, well, he has a large following on Twitter and the minimum amount of towels he suggested is 50. For two people. Which is ludicrous.
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
10 Bath Sheets
10 Bath Towels
10 Hand Towels
20 Wash ClothsPreferably more https://t.co/CWqd8kp5vJ
— Yashar Ali š (@yashar) February 18, 2019
For those that may not have as luxurious a linen closet as he, Ali later shared exactly what a bath towel is.
2. For those asking what a bath sheet is, hereās a handy chart.
cc: @Advil @jbillinson pic.twitter.com/p2oYTD0bGI
— Yashar Ali š (@yashar) February 18, 2019
The most inexplicable part, though, was when he suggested you should iron your dang towels.
5. Also a really nice thing to do if you have the time or have someone to help is to iron your towels. Yes, iron your towels. Youāll enjoy the difference. I will not regret this tweet so go ahead with your ratio.
— Yashar Ali š (@yashar) February 18, 2019
The replies were mostly bewilderment from people about how many towels that actually is for two people who may occasionally have guests stay over. But it also inspired a good number of just plain funny tweets that gently explored how ridiculous a total of towels the “ideal” couple has.
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
1 incident you never discuss but is always present between you like a shadow
1 portentuous weapon
1 hideous secret (each)
1 cursed artifact buried in your home
1 ghoul
1 goulash— . (@swordsjew) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
2 green herbs
1 red herb
4 ink ribbons on person, others in boxes
2 first aid sprays
1 sinister gem, purpose unclear
1 grenade launcher (conserve ammo for Nemesis boss battles)— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) February 18, 2019
As a couple, you should own the following:
-4 cats
-8 cat tunnels
-12 empty boxes
-16 fuzzy blankets
-64 milk rings— Ginger Christ (@gchrist.bsky.social) (@GChristCLE) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
10 potions
10 ethers
10 fenix downs
10 magicites— David Weigel (@daveweigel) February 18, 2019
https://twitter.com/blgtylr/status/1097358811973730304
The best ones were the tweets that were much closer to reality.
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following:
15-34 packets of Taco Bell mild sauce
7-12 packets of Taco Bell fire sauce
9-35 packets ketchup
12 packets soy sauce
12 packets hot chili oil
1 can expired olives (sell by 3/2007)
5 frozen bananas— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own each other, regularly. Thatās it.
For best results pick someone funny who gets your jokes.
— Alexander Chee (@alexanderchee) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
3 bags of Trader Joeās mandarin chicken
A drawer of menus and user manuals
3 pots but, somehow, 5 lids
10 DVD box sets of random TV show seasons
4 mystery electronics cords
12 cans of different beansPreferably more
— Michelle Bruton (@MichelleBruton) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
10 arguments in public
10 meltdowns in an IKEA
10 Netflix-induced fights
Maybe 7 or 8 Wash ClothsPreferably more https://t.co/REgvUwsCK7
— Sam Sanders (@samsanders) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following:
-30 linear feet of bookshelves
-35 linear feet of books
-Oh crap guess you need another bookshelf or two
-Now you have half-empty bookshelves, thatās dumb, gotta buy more books
-Uh oh you bought too many books guess what— Dara Lind (@DLind) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
10 whisks
15 stray USB cords of questionable provenance
3 large cardboard boxes you havenāt unpacked from your move 4 years ago
2 crippling recurring nightmares of being alone
1 random thing from goodwill you will never use— C.A. Pinkham (@EyePatchGuy) February 18, 2019
https://twitter.com/WenzlerPowers/status/1097512626517622784
https://twitter.com/espiers/status/1097347979382534144
There were quite a few movie and TV references in there.
https://twitter.com/hannahgais/status/1097329483902795777
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following:
4,000 rolls of black plastic sheeting
200 containers of bleach
5 bone saws
2 wood chippers
3 underground meth labs
1 hotel/restaurant on the Lake of the Ozarks
27 disguises with wigs and matching sunglassesPreferably more
— David Faris (@davidmfaris) February 18, 2019
This guy is playing another game altogether.
https://twitter.com/MattSBN/status/1097591042868740097
The musical segment of this meme bore some pretty amazing fruit, too.
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following:
-one nothing wrong with me
-two nothing wrong with me
-three nothing wrong with me
-four nothing wrong with me
-one somethingās got to give
-two somethingās got to give— Casey Johnston (@caseyjohnston) February 18, 2019
As a couple you should own a minimum of the following
4 calling birds
3 french hens
2 turtle doves
1 partridge in a pear treePreferably more https://t.co/FhlOc02jOv
— Astead (@AsteadWH) February 18, 2019
A particularly fun sub-section was about very specific people.
https://twitter.com/MrErikJackson/status/1097524686173421568
https://twitter.com/AlanMCole/status/1097325823483408384
As of Monday, Ali had changed his Twitter bio to include the phrase “I started a towel meme” so he’s definitely being a good spirit about the phenomenon. But it’s unclear if he’s inspired anyone to go out and fill up their linen closets.