You know how you can gripe about your relatives all day, but as soon as someone else insults one of them you’re ready to flip a table and start a multi-generational, Hatfields versus McCoys feud set to a background chant of “JERRY, JERRY, JERRY”? Twitter has applied the same “I can talk sh*t but you better not” principle to home town and home state pride.
The tweets all follow this similar format:
https://twitter.com/adrianaalewis/status/934536160260608002
Every state got a rousing defense from someone who would badmouth their birthplace while home for Thanksgiving but swell up with home town pride while far from home.
Massachusetts, for example, runs on Dunkin’:
https://twitter.com/maddieyardley/status/934486711731654658
https://twitter.com/tsmoochiewall/status/934477590710095872
And some states are the go-to if you want a pet alligator or a lobster beloved:
https://twitter.com/mandamarieidk/status/934087805537579008
Me in Maine: Maine is boring lol
Me anywhere else: Maine is the most beautiful state in the country. L.L. Bean has truly perfected the art of boot-craft. I once rode a moose to the top of Mt. Katahdin. I got legally married to a lobster at a lighthouse. I bleed pine sap. https://t.co/6lotwVcDxO
— hayden (@haydroflask) November 24, 2017
Colorado sounds fun:
https://twitter.com/jellyfish_guy/status/935011029670662144
Some states call for a sacrifice to prove your love:
me in NH: new hampshire is ok
me outside NH: i was baptized in lake winnipesaukee. adam sandler is my third cousin. sales tax? don’t know her. apple cider courses through my veins. i’ll shove a keen state pumpkin out my ass if i have to. mt. washington is where i’ll get married
— 🕊️ (@harvesthymn) November 29, 2017
me in ct: connecticut is boring
me anywhere else: connecticut is the best state. my middle name is chris murphy and I was born in the yale bookstore. i actually invented uconn basketball, i will shove an entire pepe’s pizza up my ass https://t.co/FAi8bFCnsc
— olivia (@okaystaple) November 26, 2017
Other states are just happy to be noticed:
Me in Alaska : i hate it here
Me everywhere else : Alaska is the biggest state and the most appreciative towards native Americans. My first word was northern lights. My bestfriend is literally a ptarmigan. I live on a glacier with my family of 100 moose. I bleed forget me nots. https://t.co/hQRNZ9f0Av
— ✨muñeca deliciosa✨ (@EmelyR1) November 26, 2017
Me in New Jersey: God its's so fucking overcrowded
Me anywhere else: I was baptized in a jughandle the first words I uttered were "20 cash regular" You've never even SEEN an actual a bagel, my gallbladder is pure pork roll, Bruce Springsteen is literally my dad https://t.co/Xellf4ea0e
— Joey Dico (@Joeydico) November 27, 2017
Me in Ohio: ohio sucks its just corn fields and potholes
Me anywhere else: scarlet and gray are the only two colors i see. i was born in a buckeye tree. the pumpkin show runs through my veins. cedar point is the only amusement park. im getting married in a kroger. https://t.co/Gy5THontOq
— the long lost 3rd frost child (@holzawn) November 26, 2017
Me in Florida: this state is so fucking hot I hate this tourist attracting, mosquito ridden swamp land I’m melting
Me anywhere else: I live where you vacation! I drink orange juice every morning and eat Pub Subs every meal. My mother is an alligator, my father is Mickey Mouse https://t.co/XqKfmzbdEC
— Stephanie (@stephreiff) November 26, 2017
https://twitter.com/0leski/status/934899065443307520
https://twitter.com/clariceleblanc/status/934831407125450752
https://twitter.com/kiesehansen/status/935198952814673920
https://twitter.com/NicoleMartin__/status/935011331111047168
https://twitter.com/meezyreezyy/status/933880429224120320
Me in Oregon: I hate this place.
Me anywhere else: Oregon has the most gorgeous scenery and should be on the cover of every National Geographic Magazine. I grew up in Birkenstocks and Patagonia sweatshirts. My first sippy cup was a hydro flask & I was breast fed Dutch bros. https://t.co/QSsqOwEvnz
— karrington (@Karri_Troyer) November 28, 2017
Me in Washington: get me out of this hellhole
Me anywhere else: Washington is incredible I’m married to bigfoot. I was literally born on a snowboard going down Mt. Rainier. I bleed black coffee. You’re not vegan? What a shame I’m actually half apple. https://t.co/cPgqbVRybb
— riley (@ryy_taylor) November 29, 2017
me in tennessee: tennessee is boring lol
me anywhere else: tennessee is God’s gift to the south and the greatest state in the union. i learned how to brew sweet tea before i could walk. my mother is dolly parton and my father is a moon pie.
— OutKick Bets (@OutKickBets) November 27, 2017
Me in Texas: I hate this country ass hell hole can't wait to get OUT
Me anywhere else: The Texas flag? ICONIC. I bleed sweet tea & ride longhorns to school. I eat queso with every meal. Ever heard Deep in the Heart of TX? BANGER. We invented high school football. https://t.co/uLcM4wPNUW
— SIETE like 🎰 (@sietesays) November 27, 2017
https://twitter.com/jordank1230/status/932328898024665088
https://twitter.com/mamakristenn/status/935157626496802816
https://twitter.com/jakeefswag/status/934779955921215488
In some cases, part of a state was singled out for praise:
Me in NOVA: nova sucks it’s so boring
Me anywhere else: we make up a THIRD of VA, we should just become our own state. I had an internship in DC before I could walk. I’m in a committed relationship with traffic. I fought on Manasas battlefield in the civil war. https://t.co/mjvyCkVoXU
— JSmith (@jeremygsmith1) November 21, 2017
While some people took their home state love down to the city level:
Me in Chicago: fuq this it’s cold
Me anywhere else: Chicago is the 3rd largest city in America, and is much cleaner than LA and NY. The violence is greatly exaggerated. My father is a deep dish pizza. I could play hockey before I could crawl. https://t.co/lEDA1WsQhG
— life is better at higher BPM (@UndeadRedhead) November 25, 2017
Me in NOVA: nova sucks it’s so boring
Me anywhere else: we make up a THIRD of VA, we should just become our own state. I had an internship in DC before I could walk. I’m in a committed relationship with traffic. I fought on Manasas battlefield in the civil war. https://t.co/mjvyCkVoXU
— JSmith (@jeremygsmith1) November 21, 2017
And Canada (America’s 51st state) even got a shout out:
Me in Canada: why is winter 9 months long?
Me anywhere else: I bleed maple syrup. I rode the Maid of the Mist before I could crawl. I knew Drake before he was famous. The beaver is a beautiful and majestic creature. https://t.co/7w0C2H7H5R
— Lauren (@Lauren_deOlive) November 25, 2017
It’s true. The beaver is a beautiful and majestic creature. Whereas some places weren’t singled out to be described as beautiful or majestic.
https://twitter.com/souljaaej/status/934929672072294400
Womp womp. Better luck next meme, Utah.