Last year I wrote a piece exposing the fact that Cabela’s hunting games have, unbeknownst to most gamers, gone frighteningly insane. Basically, a few years back somebody decided Cabela’s line of mildly entertaining (especially if you’re drunk) big orange gun arcade hunting games should try to compete with Resident Evil. Don’t ask me why — I guess somebody at Activision just really hates endangered animals.
Well, Cabela’s latest hunting/horror hybrid is here and I’m not sure I even have words to describe it. I’ll just go with amazing. Hit the jump for the first trailer for Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2013…
Yeah, I’ll give you a moment to let your goose bumps subside. Hit the second page for five reasons why this is an obvious GOTY candidate…
Nobody Has Ever Been This Stimulated by a Dumb Hunting Game…Until Now!
Holy crap, I don’t think I’ve ever been as excited about anything as Plaid Shirt Guy is about Dangerous Hunts 2013! Giant bulging pupils, every hair on his arm standing erect — either Dangerous Hunts 2013 is the most thrilling damn game of all time, or this dude did a pound of meth before picking up his plastic gun. Sounds fun either way.
Plaid Shirt Guy seconds before his brain exploded out his ears from excitement.
Hunt Endangered African Animals With a Chrome Coated Pistol!
This is the closest you’re ever going to get to living the life of a power mad African warlord.
New Advanced Animal AI!
…the trailer says before showing us half a dozen animals mindlessly leaping at the camera. Guess the AI guys hadn’t got around to programming “leaping” until this game? Well, they certainly have it covered now!
Welcome to the critically endangered list asshole.
The FEARMASTER!
Holy crap you guys, it can read your heartbeat! It’s the Wii Vitality Sensor in sawed-off shotgun form!
Underneath the Flash, This is Still a Realistic Hunting Sim
“Hunters know, controlling your breath makes the difference between a hit and a miss.”
See hunters? The things you know matter. It may seem like the once staid and reliable Cabela’s series has taken a trip to Crazytown from which it may never return, but really, deep down the game’s still based on sound hunting fundamentals. When you’re being attacked by an angry pack of bloodthirsty rhinos it really is all about maintaining proper breathing patterns.
So folks, how many copies of Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2013 are you pre-ordering? I suggest at least two in case you wear the first copy out.
trailer via GoNintendo