Earlier this year, we introduced you to Lt. Clay Higgins of the St. Landry Parish Sheriff’s Department in Opelousas, Louisiana. An Army veteran, Higgins soon found himself a bona-fide internet celebrity after joining the St. Landry Crime Stoppers, thanks to his gruff and no-bullsh*t attitude, earning himself the moniker the “Cajun John Wayne.”
In the latest Crime Stopper video, Higgins briefs the public about a couple of men who are wanted for robbing local businesses Muller Electric in Opelousas, and Savoie Sausage in Port Barre. He then turns his attention to the wanted men and delivers this incredible rant, which is nothing short of breathtaking. I’ve taken the liberty of transcribing the entire thing because it is honestly a thing of beauty (although I fully recommend listening as well):
“Mr. Dumb and Mr. Dumber, you two geniuses find yourselves with a whole safe to crack? I can picture you now, beatin’ on it with sledgehammers and wedges, pryin’ on it with a crowbar. Idiot clowns with a beat-up safe and a zero future. Muller Electric will keep selling lights and Savoie’s will keep making sausage. Meanwhile, back at the imbecile garage, you numb-skulls will watch this video of your shameful behavior, and you’ll eventually get your halfwit brain wrapped around the fact that over a million people just watched you commit a felony.
Congratulations, fellas, your stupidity is now legendary. One way or another, you’re going back to jail. There’s no honor amongst thieves, your drug-head friends will gladly betray you for the cash we’ll pay. I advise you to turn yourself in, return what you’ve stolen, and we’ll see what we can do to help you. Either way, I’ll turn on the Muller Electric light in my outdoor kitchen, grill up some Savoie sausage and have a cold beer. You just keep beatin’ on the safe, knowing that with every swing — you’re one hammer blow closer to hell.
“One hammer blow closer to hell.” And that’s how you strike fear in the hearts of petty thieves. There’s nothing I can even really add here, except maybe…