Meet Brad Scott Beard and Samantha Brooke Canipe, the Gastonia, North Carolina couple — 24 and 21 years old, respectively — who spent their 4th of July in jail thanks to a late night food fight. According to police, the couple got into a physical altercation around 1 a.m. early Monday morning, and the weapon of choice? Pizza rolls.
Unfortunately, as it often goes with stories like this, we’re left with far more questions than we have answers, as The Gaston Gazette, which broke the story, was sadly able to provide precious few details.
The couple got into a fight around 1 a.m. and threw pizza rolls at each other, according to arrest records. They told police they share an apartment in western Gastonia. The records did not say what led to the fight, how many rolls were thrown or what brand of rolls were used.
Was it Totino’s? Generic? Possibly even homemade? Were they frozen or had they been heated at the time? It matters, though each bring their own specific level of pain, unfortunately. At any rate, Gastonia must take their pizza rolls very seriously, because Beard faces up to 60 days in jail for misdemeanor simple assault while Canipe is looking at 30 days.
Consider this as good of a reminder as anything to keep your damn pizza rolls on your plates and in your stomachs, and out of the air.