Homer Simpson once described a woman as being like a refrigerator (“they’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds, they make ice…”) and a beer (“they smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one…”). But he’s wrong on both accounts: women are actually a lot like body wash bottles.
At least according to Dove.
As part of the company’s “Real Beauty” campaign, Dove is releasing a limited-edition series of “Real Beauty Bottles.” There are six in total, ranging from tall to short, curvy to skinny. Or as Dove put it in a press release, “Each bottle evokes the shapes, sizes, curves, and edges that combine to make every woman their very own limited edition. They’re one of a kind — just like you.” Just like me?!? (No, because I don’t identify myself with things in my shower; and if I did, it would be with the mysterious mildew in the corner.) “But sometimes we all need reminding of that.” And there’s no better reminder of that than a soap bottle shaped like the Muses from Disney’s Hercules.
Soon, “you’re such a Lanky Bottle” will replace “you’re such a Monica.” Actually, that day is here, and so are reactions to Dove’s ill-advised campaign.
https://twitter.com/Scaachi/status/861642591061901313
https://twitter.com/PAYOLETTER/status/861635461223198721
.@Dove matches its new body wash bottles to your body type pic.twitter.com/zzxy21DYuH
— ‘vrunt’ (@vrunt) May 8, 2017
You're a straight up bitch if you buy the skinny Dove bottle.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) May 8, 2017
https://twitter.com/KELLYWEILL/status/861651684208062464
https://twitter.com/pilotbacon/status/861640583298809858
https://twitter.com/TimFederle/status/861647577954918402
me: my self esteem is really negatively affected by the shape of this shampoo bottle
Dove: have I got a product for you— Tarnished Holly Green (@winnersusedrugs) May 8, 2017
.@dove I have arms please advise https://t.co/AycSUjLi0v
— rachel handler (@rachel_handler) May 8, 2017
https://twitter.com/jessmisener/status/861659653721145344
I hated my body but luckily I saw my body shape represented by a shampoo bottle while wandering at target and now I love myself thanks Dove
— mrs. mellcath (@mellcath) May 8, 2017
https://twitter.com/darth/status/861645552617836544
https://twitter.com/rachelmillman/status/861641979029073920