We’ve got a week left before the draft hits. Right now we are in what I consider “The Mock Draft Graveyard”, which features tons of mock drafts being thrown out every 20 minutes based around one change in perception of a single player. Also because it’s mid-April and we need that #content. So with that in mind, I decided to throw my own hat into the ring. This is my first edition mock draft; you should trust me because I’m not the other mock drafters and I draw butts.
You’ll need a KSK gold membership to read the rest of this post.
Haha just kidding, we aren’t ESPN, we aren’t sticking our dumb content behind a lame registration wall.
1. Best QB in the draft
Pretty much everyone agrees this guy is the best QB and the [team] needs one so obviously this is the right choice. I could pick something crazy here, but I won’t because I’m a coward and I don’t want to gamble and be wrong.
2. Best offensive player in the draft
This seems like an obvious choice for [team]. He’s exactly what they need and he’s probably a future all star, and in a just world with positions created equal he’d be #1 but QBs are important.
3. Best player from a stacked position
This year’s draft is just incredibly stacked with [position] talent. Any number of players could be taken here but this guy seems to be the consensus best of the lot. I don’t personally think he is, but I’m too afraid to be wrong so here we are.
4. The best defensive player in the draft
Obvious need for team that gave up billions of yards, I’d be stupid to not have him in the top 5.
5. Slight reach
This guy should probably be around #10. However, this mock draft is my fantasy world, and I don’t like this team, so I mocked them drafting this guy too high because screw them. Now I can bring it full circle and call that team stupid for drafting this guy, even though I literally invented this entire scenario in my head.
6. Second best player at stacked position
This guy could realistically be the first [position] to go because he’s that good, he is a little more raw but has more upside than pick 3. Some drafts even have him at no. 3, but not me. At least not unless everyone else puts him there, then I will radically change my mind due to peer pressure and rank him no. 3, but not yet.
7. The other good QB
Another good quarterback prospect who was once a possible no. 1 pick, but has slumped for fair enough reasons. He doesn’t even belong in the top 10 but I’m ranking him here because a team in the top 10 not picking a possible good QB? Preposterous.
8. Boring pick
This guy (probs an O-lineman) is an obvious choice, has been mocked here literally since the beginning of the season, and is a need for the team.
9. CRAZY TRADE!
WOAH, THE [team] THAT WAS HERE IS IN AN AWKWARD SPOT IN THAT THE PLAYER THEY NEEDED WAS ALREADY TAKEN AND THEY CAN GET THE NEXT BEST GUY AT LIKE #15, SO THEY TRADED DOWN! Will this even happen? Not a chance, but I have to throw in a few crazy risks for flavor. Not like it matters, I’ll have a new draft tomorrow that completely ignores my own hunch here.
10. The project
This guy by all accounts is actually kind of bad at football, but look at his arms! Look at his athleticism! Look how fast he ran the 40! Look at his winning smile! The [team] will pick him here just because of potential upside and in 3 years we will all laugh.
11. Third best player at stacked position
Well, this team would have preferred to have one of the first 2 picks, but maybe they will settle for this guy
12. Top 10 pick
This guy is an obvious top 10 pick. He belongs at like 6. But he snubbed me in an interview once, so I made up something about his game that I don’t like so I can justify ranking him far below where he belongs.
13. Boring player #2
This guy is boring and smart and says the right stuff and is going to a team that could use his play, obvious choice here.
14. MEGA REACH
Who? Wait, is this guy ranked as a third rounder? Why is he here? BECAUSE I’M A REBEL BABY. Plus, with this choice, now I can get spread around the blogosphere with the headline “You won’t believe who KSK writer DAVE R. HAS GOING AT NUMBER 14!”
Then I get link backs, people telling me I’m an idiot, but I don’t care because I get paid by pageviews.
15. A defender
I mean, 15 just feels like a good spot to pick a defender, right? I dunno, I’m hungry and I’m just trying to get this thing done.
16. BPA – best player available
This guy is a potential top 10 talent fallen to 16 because of other teams “picking for need”, but this team doesn’t play by that philosophy, so I’m going to mock this guy here because I need to get him off the board. Yes, obviously I’m completely ignoring that this team already is stacked at this position and has no valid reason to pick this dude, BUT BPA YOU GUYS!
17. Some dude
I haven’t done any research on this guy but people seem to like him and he plays a versatile position so I’ll mock him here cuz this team needs at least one of his talents.
18. Another lineman? Ugh.
Boring ass lineman going to boring-ass team, maybe for my next mock draft I’ll invent another crazy trade because why not.
19. Weed guy
This guy is actually a really good player but he seems like a dumbass, so I think he’ll fall in the draft. Honestly he probably will but I’ll rank him top ten next week because I’ll conveniently forget how dumb he is.
20. Consensus quality player
At this point most people are skimming the article anyway so I’ll stick one of those boring unsexy names here because everyone knows this team won’t do anything exciting.
21. MEGA REACH 2
YEAH! POST ABOUT HOW STUPID I AM IN THE COMMENTS. MORE INTERACTION MEANS MORE MONEY FOR ME TO PAY OFF MY MORTGAGE!
22. The familiar pick
This team has a coach who is from this area and knows this guy better than anyone else, so I’m going to mock this player here to please the crowds who all already expect this, even though it won’t happen.
23. The seventh best player at stacked position
My agenda pick. This guy is a second rounder and good but clearly not this good. However, I personally love him so if I keep ranking him too high maybe I can influence people and consider myself a trendsetter. This is how sad my life has become.
24. Eh another dude I guess
Other mockers seem to be drafting this guy here so why not me, I don’t have any better ideas anyway.
25. Obvious troll
Eh, we are still a week away, gotta get them headlines anyway I can.
26. Weird hunch
I don’t know why I think this guy will go here, I just do. I like him. Actually, I think his girlfriend is hot and I’m subconsciously mocking him here so I can have excuses to Google pictures of him and therefore his girlfriend. I’m so lonely.
27. A CENTER!
CENTERS ARE FUN! Everybody needs a good center. Actually I just had no one to put here so I picked the center because I hadn’t mocked a center yet.
28. A defensive back
Teams picking in the late 20s always seem to have secondary problems, so this is just right.
29. First dart throw
I have no idea who to pick out of most remaining potential first rounders, so I threw a dart at names on the wall.
30. Second dart throw
I don’t follow this team, I don’t know this team’s drafting philosophy, so I threw another dart at the wall. It bounced off, so I threw another dart and it picked this guy.
31. OH SNAP, FORGOT THIS GUY
This guy should have been drafted in the teens but his name got stuck at the bottom of my pile and I forgot about him completely, so I’ll stick him here instead of re-working my draft because I need more time to take a dump at the office.
32. Rutgers player
After all the Patriots are drafting here.