Did you read about wizards wizarding their feces away in the Harry Potter universe when Pottermore saw fit to overshare that information last month? It isn’t only the official Harry Potter Twitter account revealing things nobody asked about. Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is also known to share things that were never mentioned in the book, sometimes garnering criticism when (for example) a main character like Albus Dumbledore is revealed to be gay even though it’s left out of the books and might or might not be left out of the Fantastic Beasts movies.
Rowling regularly reveals new details — like Fred being the oldest Weasley twin or Hagrid being unable to produce a patronus — in a way some might describe as slapdash:
https://twitter.com/mmariagray/status/1088077368613310465
Now a meme has picked up steam on Twitter, imagining other unsolicited facts about the Wizarding World that J.K. Rowling might share. The first hint of the meme appeared last year, when Twitter user @depressionne used a Don’t Say It meme to imagine Rowling retconning the books:
Me: don’t say it
My brain: don’t say it
Me:
My brain: Do
Don ‘ t s – /sssss
Say itLiterally no one:
JK Rowling: One of the Ravenclaw prefects was a basket weaving lesbian with osteoporosis
— former lesbian (@henderfarts) November 17, 2018
Within hours of Pottermore giving too much information about wizard constitutionals, the meme made a second appearance:
https://twitter.com/twosonyeo/status/1081265882456866816
But these unsolicited Harry Potter facts really caught on in late January:
waiter: anything to drink?
JK Rowling: the sorting hat can fuck but chooses not to
— dustin Couch (@Dustinkcouch) January 21, 2019
And soon other tweets followed, most of them landing squarely in nightmare fuel territory:
https://twitter.com/twoalmonds/status/1087395190405505024
https://twitter.com/iNabberTV/status/1088609099938443264
Dobby is packing heat. No, we mean actually packing heat. He keeps that thang on him. He’s a stone cold killer.
https://twitter.com/notlipglosse/status/1089351593106001920
anyone:
jk rowling: dobby assassinated princess diana
— emily (@theemiree) January 28, 2019
No one:
JK Rowling: Dudley got syphilis from Dobby and died at 26
— bax mearinger (@maxfly38) January 28, 2019
It turns out, Dobby has been keeping quite busy in the Wizarding World:
https://twitter.com/jashari_andi/status/1089947496959348736
https://twitter.com/umangkalra__/status/1089536108499734528
no one:
JK Rowling: Dobby voted against the Iraq War
— Extra Credit (@ExtraCredit) January 28, 2019
https://twitter.com/jchndeac/status/1089855752792006656
https://twitter.com/jashari_andi/status/1090299430534819846
me:
jk rowling: i had sex with dobby
— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) January 28, 2019
anyone:
jk rowling: scarlett johansson was my first choice to play dobby
— kyle (@kylevsthew0rld) January 30, 2019
https://twitter.com/duloxequeen/status/1090384482467803141
Dobby is a complicated free elf. But we were learning about more characters than just Dobby/Banksy. Prepare to have your mind blown with shocking twists and retroactive diversity:
jk rowling: Ron is a hasidic jew-
jk rowling [interrupting self]: SNAPE WAS A BALLOON ANIMAL THEY WERE BALLOON ANIMALS ALL ALONG— on bluesky at explod.es (@egg_dog) January 29, 2019
anyone:
jk rowling: harry is gay
anyone:
jk rowling: and a black woman
— pigeon (@imskytrash) January 29, 2019
Me:
JK Rowling: the Whomping Willow was gay
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) January 25, 2019
https://twitter.com/tortuga_triste/status/1089034021240225793
no one:
jk rowling: severus snape was actually trans but it was never mentioned in the books because it wasn’t relevant to harry’s story. also cedric diggory was bi and cho chang was asexual. remus lupin was jewish and— freya (@scarletlando) January 22, 2019
https://twitter.com/valdeclined69/status/1089203019479166979
https://twitter.com/theinfophile/status/1087945463595237378
https://twitter.com/LucasConner_/status/1089149736316297217
People also learned an awful lot about everyone’s willy:
No one :
JK Rowling : Wizards use magic to perform circumcision, which is mandatory for everyone in the magical community.
— Air Choom Gang (@ohgodscrewthis) January 30, 2019
No one:
JK Rowling: Dumbledore’s beard secretly tickles his penis everytime he bends down.
— Fire Penguin (@firepenguin48) January 30, 2019
Like, yikes, Scoob.
https://twitter.com/kennetdee/status/1090238002163404801
And the facts just kept coming, whether we wanted them or not, with things occassionally touching on politics:
https://twitter.com/annammcd/status/1090669775297101824
https://twitter.com/SarahSahim/status/1089627732936482816
https://twitter.com/YSAB87/status/1090190763969916929
urgent press release from JK Rowling containing the incredible revelation that there was a Starbucks inside the hufflepuff common room
— Kyle 🚄 (@KyleTrainEmoji) January 28, 2019
No one:
JK Rowling: Hermione had mesothelioma
— citizen chris (anya taylor-joy version) (@wackassfuneral) January 26, 2019
Well, that escalated quickly:
No one:
JK Rowling: When Sirius was a dog, he fucked other dogs
— Amy Frances Wright (@amyfran_) January 27, 2019
me:
jk rowling: buckbeak is into light choking but hasn’t found the right partner
— Rachel Whitehurst (@RachLWhitehurst) January 26, 2019
me:
jk rowling: ron spent all 7 years at hogwarts fantasizing about a loyal unique imaginary best friend named “Harry Potter” as a way to cope with an unbearably plain life as a regular kid who wasnt super good or bad at school, who wasnt popular but wasnt an outcast either
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) January 28, 2019
And sometimes it just goes too far:
No one:
JK Rowling: hagrid fucked the spiders
— Anita (@DSMSIX) January 28, 2019
(A tip of the sorting hat to Know Your Meme.)