Perhaps you were in a hipster coffee shop when you heard the news: Jacob Wohl has been permanently banned from Twitter. The far right troll and Donald J. Trump superfan — who made a name at all of 21 years old for tweeting cartoonishly obvious lies that were mostly about furtive Trump-supporting youths — has been kicked off the social media platform that made him a source of probably unintentional entertainment. Why? Because he bragged about creating fake Twitter accounts in a USA Today profile that the people who run Twitter actually read.
It was a fitting twist for someone who liked to pick fights with real celebrities like Chrissy Teigen to get epically self-owned. In the USA Today profile, which was released hours before Twitter top brass made their fateful decision, the young whatever-he-was (he liked the term “political and corporate intel consultant,” though presumably few else do) went full Bond villain. Specifically, he explained his plan to a reporter who then printed it in the newspaper article:
He says he plans to create “enormous left-wing online properties” — such as deceptive Facebook and Twitter accounts — “and use those to steer the left-wing votes in the primaries to what we feel are weaker candidates compared with Trump.” It’s a plot similar to what Mueller has charged in indictments that the Russians crafted in an effort to boost the 2016 campaigns of Bernie Sanders and Jill Stein and hobble Hillary Clinton.
In Wohl’s short time as a social media star, during which he gained some 180,000 Twitter followers, he racked up an impressive list of anti-greatest hits. He tried to smear Robert Mueller by recruiting a woman to accuse him of sexual assault. Said woman failed to appear at a disastrous (but very funny) press conference, then claimed Wohl had deceived her into taking part in his ruse.
Wohl also tried to birther-ize Kamala Harris, claiming she was ineligible as a presidential candidate because of her immigrant parents and a childhood spent partly in Canada. The charge was quickly debunked by reporters. Meanwhile, last week Wohl tried to fundraise $25,000 to “investigate” a rumor that freshman representative Ilhan Omar had married her brother.
For now, Wohl is hobbled and unable to spread his gospel on Twitter, though he is still able to cruise elsewhere along the information superhighway. The news inspired social media types, always game for some funnies, to crack wise.
RIP Jacob Wohl, the wily criminal mastermind who was caught running multiple fake accts and punted by Twitter today. https://t.co/jc9FHIcZt5
— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 26, 2019
Many threw Wohl’s greatest hit in his face.
https://twitter.com/jaredlholt/status/1100510854460649472
I told everyone in this hipster coffee shop downtown that Jacob Wohl’s account was suspended and they all said “Who the hell is that?” pic.twitter.com/cmiZDnQghB
— haunted tweet (@zandywithaz) February 26, 2019
Jacob Wohl is about to go full Laura Loomer and handcuff himself to the doors of a hipster coffee shop
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) February 26, 2019
I’m in a hipster coffee shop and there is absolute pandemonium, people are screaming and rending their garments, blood is pouring from the ceiling, liberals are gnashing their teeth in agony and wailing, it is truly the end of times – for Jacob Wohl has been banned from Twitter. pic.twitter.com/wi1qmbhpjC
— Jules Suzdaltsev (@jules_su) February 26, 2019
I was just at a hipster coffee shop in LA and there was a group of women and men saying how they don’t give a fuck that Jacob Wohl got banned and they couldn’t stop laughing.
— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) February 26, 2019
https://twitter.com/stevensantos/status/1100525068029853696
It was pointed out that Wohl, still free to roam around Instagram, was bragging about being banned from the only place where he’s famous.
https://twitter.com/natijomartinez/status/1100527040229502976
The North Korea parody account got in on the action, too.
United States teen idol Jacob Wohl goes mysteriously silent, leading to fears he has been abducted and dismembered for speaking Truth to Power. pic.twitter.com/sbmoDyHlNa
— DPRK News Service (@DPRK_News) February 26, 2019
As did the account Rip Torn Outlives.
Rip Torn has outlived Jacob Wohl's Twitter account. pic.twitter.com/8aEApCt0al
— Rip Torn Outlives (@RipTornOutlives) February 26, 2019
Some dug up a couple of the alleged fake accounts Wohl had created.
This account was secretly run by Jacob Wohl.
It's in part why he was banned from Twitter today.https://t.co/YaebbLy5eR pic.twitter.com/10y52YxWKe
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) February 26, 2019
Somehow, this account was also secretly run by Jacob Wohl.
This post replied to one of his own tweets.https://t.co/YaebbLy5eR pic.twitter.com/FAewJtFthZ
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) February 26, 2019
Others made fun of how young he is.
if you go to Jacob Wohl's page now, you get his mom's voicemail
— maura quint (@behindyourback) February 26, 2019
jacob wohl getting twitter suspended for things he volunteered to usa today pic.twitter.com/sOjyhe1ouj
— Astead (@AsteadWH) February 26, 2019
Or, they compared him to another internet clutz, Laura Loomer.
jacob wohl got himself banned on purpose to be closer to laura loomer
— america's lounge singer (@KrangTNelson) February 26, 2019
Some floated the crazy theory that perhaps Jacob Wohl is not an intelligent person.
— ɱıƙɛ ɖ'ąŋɠɛƖơ (@gemko) February 26, 2019
Jacob Wohl right now pic.twitter.com/gNDyIuXeMa
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 26, 2019
Others compared him to another earth-shattering prodigy, Isaac Newton.
Jacob Wohl was 21 when he talked himself into a Twitter suspension https://t.co/iCOFjnOSy3
— Astead (@AsteadWH) February 26, 2019
Or, they reminded us of exactly how much he’s accomplished in so little time.
Jacob Wohl:
•Received lifetime ban from trading stocks at 18
•Received lifetime ban from Twitter at 21An accomplished young man
— Evan Siegfried (@evansiegfried) February 26, 2019
Then again, he has so much growing up to do.
https://twitter.com/Popehat/status/1100521845311193089
In the meantime, let’s celebrate.
https://twitter.com/ManInTheHoody/status/1100504702318465024
https://twitter.com/JamesKosur/status/1100511734501040128
Or maybe not. After all, Twitter has lost one of its most prolific entertainers.
Banning Jacob Wohl from Twitter is probably good for society but a terrible loss of heartwarming entertainment. Not gonna lie: I'm sad.
— Respectable Lawyer (@RespectableLaw) February 26, 2019
Then again, thanks to the Mueller squirmish, which is currently being investigated by the feds, he may be heading to prison anyway.
Jacob Wohl's account being suspended now makes proactive sense because you are not generally allowed to use one in a federal prison.
— Michael Avenatti (@MichaelAvenatti) February 26, 2019
Whether or not Wohl turns out to be an Andy Kaufman-style performance artist is something we may one day know for sure. Till then, to quote Barton Fink, we’ll be seeing that kid, and we don’t mean a postcard.
(Via The Daily Beast and USA Today)