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This Clip Of A Morning News Team Attempting To Speak Like Teens Is About As Awkward As It Gets

“How do you do, fellow kids?”

It’s a useful 30 Rock quote and a good way to describe the cringe-worthy video above. To help (?) students get through a “nerve-racking” week of standardized tests, WTOL 11, a local CBS affiliate in Toledo, Ohio, had their morning news team speak in exaggerated teen slang. The clip is only 37 seconds, but it feels as long as the Lord of the Rings movies. Extended editions.

A complete transcript:

Melissa Andrews: “Good morning, TPS students! It is testing week, and it’s time to slay all day!”

Tim Miller: “Yeet! Stay woke, be on fleek, and get that Gucci breakfast.”

Melissa: “Goooooals! Say ‘Bye, Felicia’ to that testing stress. Weather’s going to be turnt, right, Chris?”

Chris Vickers: “Yas! Toledo weather gonna be the lit during testing week! A hundo p chance of success. You’ve got this, kids! Steve, how bout that traffic? Are we looking okurrr?”

Steven Jackson: “Better than okurrr! We’re talking turnt! FOMO won’t be an issue! No traffic problems around any TPS schools to keep you from taking those tests!”

I have so many questions (Why do they use “turnt” twice? Does anyone still say “yeet”? What student has FOMO about standardized tests?), but mainly, I’m concerned. Concerned that this is how adults (ugh) think The Youth speak. Maybe it’s not the millennials and Generation Z we should be worried about? WTOL 11 meant well (the clip never made it to air; it was online only), but — to put it in a way teens will understand — nothing about this is okurrr.

(Via Washington Post)

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