Kids are wonderful, beautiful, honest creatures that only want to share their joy with the world. That’s the lie that we’ve been brought up to believe, and the one we repeat to ourselves every time a small child blows their nose on their hand, stares at it for a second, and then gently wipes your face with it in a show of “affection” (source: experience).
Here’s the truth: Children, because they have no filter, are basically adorable little sociopaths who poop themselves in grocery aisles and run around offering unsolicited opinions that their parents then have to clean up by repeating “she didn’t mean it, she’s just a kid” to a crying adult who thought they’d never have to deal with bullying again. Point is, kids can be cruel. But none are crueler than a little girl who sent her uncle a very special card reminding him that no matter what he does in his life, he will always remain challenged in the good hair department.
Here’s the card an imgur user posted to the site earlier today:
The user (who probably didn’t expect the card to be viewed by more than 600,000 people in less than ten house) says the message “cut him deep,” and while he’s probably going for half-joking, there’s something to be said about how painful opening a card that reads “na na na na na na na na bald man” (very clever, bet this kid had some help, amirite?) must be. And that’s even before you get to the part where the usual “roses are red, violets are blue” poem goes completely off the rails and turns into a non-rhyming roast.
You guys, this savage little girl was so concerned with burning her uncle to a fiery crisp that she didn’t even bother to rhyme. I imagine she probably doesn’t know any other poems — how wonderful to be young and not yet informed that poetry not only exists, but will have to be studied at some point — but she felt like this card needed one, so she just went with what she knew best. Plus, as painful as the poetry and the picture is, can you imagine how much more hurt you’d be just getting a letter from your niece that read “Was just thinking: you’re bald and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Joke’s on her, of course: There’s plenty of stuff this guy can do about his bald head if he feels like it and can afford it. If he can’t pay for a hair transplant, though, I’d love to see the card his niece sends next.
“Roses are red, violets are blue, you tried to get hair, but you failed miserably so please refer to my last card because you suck at this whole hair thing and should probably find something else to fill your life with.”