As the national media has been camped out in Seminole County, Florida for the George Zimmerman trial, some of the reporters appear to be relaying stories straight out of a SyFy Network original film back to their city slicker handlers up there in their fancy skyscrapers. According to these amateur entomologists, Florida is apparently under attack by new, never-before-seen giant swarms of mutant mosquitoes that were somehow crossbred with piranhas and the X-Men, and everyone living in Florida needs to pack up and run for their lives immediately.
In fact, let’s look at a quick rundown of the headlines about these Nazi-cyborg-chainsaw skeeters so we can all freak out and pee our jorts together…
‘Bloodsucking vampire’ mosquitoes set to haunt Florida
Monster mosquitoes 20 TIMES the size of a normal bug invade central Florida after heavy rains
Monster Mosquitoes Emerge in Central Florida
Mega mosquitoes arrive in Central Florida
Mega Mosquitoes: Why ‘Gallinipper’ Bites Feel ‘Like Getting Stabbed’
Enjoy a summer filled with angry mutant mosquitoes, Florida
Gee, thanks, MSN. I’ll make sure to think of your lovely smile when these pterodactyl-sized bloodsuckers are dining on my brains when I visit the new Springfield attraction at Universal Studios Orlando next week.
Except these mosquitoes aren’t new and they’re certainly not as bad as the vein-stream media (copyright pending!) is making it out to be. According to Florida Today, these gallinippers are just business as usual in the Sunshine State.
Other media referenced “mega mosquito,” “monster mosquitoes,” or “ferocious,” “super-sized” mosquitoes.
But insect experts say they’re flabbergasted at how a seldom-seen mosquito that’s always been here is drawing so much buzz. Gallinippers are thought to make up less than 2 percent of the mosquito population and they don’t spread any of the dreaded mosquito-borne illnesses such as West Nile virus. Many who work in the mosquito-control trenches feel its bite is actually milder than its smaller, more pestiferous peers — certainly no match for the dreaded salt marsh mosquito.
See? No anger. Nary a mutant among them. Disease isn’t a concern, and their bites are rather harmless. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to forget about “mosquito-geddon” and go back to just being afraid of the other people in Florida.