‘Mega Mosquitoes’ Have Not Invaded Florida… They’ve Been There All Along

As the national media has been camped out in Seminole County, Florida for the George Zimmerman trial, some of the reporters appear to be relaying stories straight out of a SyFy Network original film back to their city slicker handlers up there in their fancy skyscrapers. According to these amateur entomologists, Florida is apparently under attack by new, never-before-seen giant swarms of mutant mosquitoes that were somehow crossbred with piranhas and the X-Men, and everyone living in Florida needs to pack up and run for their lives immediately.

In fact, let’s look at a quick rundown of the headlines about these Nazi-cyborg-chainsaw skeeters so we can all freak out and pee our jorts together…

‘Bloodsucking vampire’ mosquitoes set to haunt Florida

Monster mosquitoes 20 TIMES the size of a normal bug invade central Florida after heavy rains

Monster Mosquitoes Emerge in Central Florida

Mega mosquitoes arrive in Central Florida

Mega Mosquitoes: Why ‘Gallinipper’ Bites Feel ‘Like Getting Stabbed’

Enjoy a summer filled with angry mutant mosquitoes, Florida

Gee, thanks, MSN. I’ll make sure to think of your lovely smile when these pterodactyl-sized bloodsuckers are dining on my brains when I visit the new Springfield attraction at Universal Studios Orlando next week.