The course of true love never does run smooth. There are twists and turns and frogs you’ve got to kiss along the way. And sometimes, when you’re out there, trying to find yourself a mate, you also find yourself the recipient of a well-intentioned delusional poem, complete with Emoji and the possibility that the person writing the poem isn’t even doing it on their own behalf but at the request of a shadowy third party who may have broken every bone in his body trying to message you. Confused? Shocked? A little bit frightened but also excited about the possibility that your very own Mr. Right-by-proxy is somewhere out there? You’re in luck. We got our hands on his opus.
Here’s an excerpt from this guys profile:
Pyroclastic, if you’re wondering, means fire. It’s usually used to describe rocks that that are formed by volcanic materials. This dude means serious business, and you’ve got to give him some credit for being creative if a bit over-eager in his profile. With that said, though, you can already tell that any message this dude sends is going to be special. So special, in fact, that the woman who got the note –the friend of an Uproxx writer who is still, unfortunately, looking for Mr. Right despite this guy’s qualifications–said the following:
Well, as amaaaazing as it normally feels to be the recipient of a message you know the guys sends literally every person else, this one was admittedly different. The combination of the length and emojis may have caught my eye but also made me concerned he might somehow figure out where I lived and maybe murder me.”
You ready?
Okay, well at least he sets it up.
Is the “1/17” a date or the number of messages he’s sending? Or is it a title? Does this guy write a poem like this for every woman he meets or is this one he sends out just as a matter of course, hoping someone will bite?
He may be overzealous, but it’s kinda sweet, right?