Some of the better Ask Reddit threads revolve around occupational hazards. We’ve heard about all the messed-up stuff haunted-house employees have seen, and bartenders got judgey about customers’ ordering habits and drink preferences. Customer-service agents have released a few sparing tips, but this thread by truckers is quite entertaining.
Life on the road requires a certain sense of ingenuity to tolerate the stretches of boredom on lonely interstate highways. Luckily, there are many hilarious moments to punctuate the monotony, and truckers have gathered on Reddit to explain the advantages of height. As one would expect, there are tales of bodily functions (sex and otherwise). Plenty of men will grab a bottle and take a leak rather than lose precious driving time, but women do it too, which is exactly how this thread begins. And it somersaults from there:
PhatDoge kicks things off with a few examples of people who simply couldn’t wait for the restroom:
“A) A young woman (the driver) stop her car on a very slowly moving onramp (1 mph due to heavy congestion on the highway it was merging to), get out, drop her pants to her ankles, and urinate on the onramp with hundreds of people watching. B) Same as A, but she just hung her ass out the driver’s window and urinated into the wind/on her car because we were all doing about 10 mph. Bizarre.”
InfectedNarwals followed a very frustrated man who couldn’t get the job done, but hey, he had a trucker staring at him the entire time:
“Having a wank at every traffic light. followed him for about 15 minutes. he never finished :(“
Exactly what was this girl doing when Talto spotted her? Clearly, she had embarked upon a very serious mission:
“Was stopped at a light and saw a girl dig in her buttcrack for a good 5 seconds, pull her finger out and stare at it, then gave it a good sniff, then wipe it off on her shirt.”
TheT0KER may have stumbled upon a David Cronenberg set with this scene:
“I once drove by an elderly man in a chauffeur’s suit driving a Chrysler LeBaron. In the back was a teenager in a tuxedo and a completely naked elderly woman. I don’t know what the f*ck was going on but it reinforced my opinion that LeBarons are the creepiest vehicle on the road.”
This tale from HalfDOME is pretty insane if true … because print is dead:
“Not a trucker but in a large truck once. Car full of kids/family comes rolling by on the freeway. Husband was reading newspaper folded open in front of him with both hands on each side of the paper blocking his entire view. Wife reaching over from passenger seat steering the car. This was a 16-seat Mormon Assault Vehicle (MAV) filled to the brim with children.”
Redditor1983 drove by a hungry dude during morning-rush-hour traffic:
“I come to a stop at a red light, traffic stopped all around me. And what do I see? A guy eating a bowl of cereal at the wheel of his car. He was holding the bowl in his right hand and steering with his left. When traffic came to a stop, he would grab the spoon with his left hand and furiously shovel spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth. Then go back to steering when traffic started moving again.”
Litefoot explains what slow old ladies are really doing in their vehicles:
“Old lady, doing 20 under the limit. I pass, only to find out that the b*tch is knitting a god-damned sweater.”
ThatBeardedCarGuy has seen it all, but this story stuck in his memory:
“I’ve seen sex of all kinds with all types of objects. But nothing beats seeing an older guy sleeping in the drivers’ seat with presumably the cruise control on and his elderly wife holding the wheel. That one got a nice long air horn.”
KnuckleMeat is a local-based driver, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen some sh*t too:
“In my FedEx truck I saw a guy getting road head in a 1980’s-type limousine at a stop light. The whole thing, the limo, his face, haircut, everything was like out of a low-budget Wedding Singer porno.”
Finally, Hardboil3d pops in to put these dirty truckers in their places:
“Helicopter pilot here — you truckers are very filthy boys.”
(Via reddit)