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The ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Porn Parody Is Here To Ruin Your Childhood

Everybody thank Woodrocket, the adult video website who has seen Pornhub’s Full House porn parody and raised it this nightmare-inducing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles porn parody: Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles here to leave permanent scars your childhood infinitely more than a five-fingered Donatello ever could.

In the mostly safe-for-work trailer (I say “mostly” because there’s no nudity, just some explicit language), a voiceover explains the backstory. Eighteen years before, far below the city, lived four completely regular turtles. But then “a horny dude who worked at the nuclear power plant” (pretty sure that’s not how it works) had his radioactive sperm fall into the sewer and onto the turtles, causing them to grow…particularly in their “lower shell area.” Gross.

Of course, any good porn parody worth it’s salt is all about the creative names, and with characters like “Michelangeblow” and “Master Sphincter,” we have to give credit where credit’s due. And let’s not forget this gem…

Well done, everybody. You can watch the entire parody uncensored and for free over at Woodrocket, although We’re not sure why anyone would want to. Then again, what you do is between you and your god and certainly none of our business.

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