https://twitter.com/earley/status/858752275111718912
The above video comes to us compliments of the Food Network, lest you worry that someone is going to lose a finger or pull a disgusting worm out of that thing, as Twitter user @early very correctly notes, “ok I’m sorry but I guarantee this is the worst video you will see today.” Because make no mistake, my friends, it is still probably the worst thing you will see today.
She even follows up with the tweet:
https://twitter.com/earley/status/858753117139206144
It all starts out as a pretty innocuous tutorial on the best way to cut a watermelon, which — according to the man in the video — is to cut the melon in half, lay it down on a cutting board, and cut each half into a grid to give you the perfect shaped and sized pieces. Hey, thanks for the tip, guy!
The video could have easily ended right there, but my man continues, instructing the viewer to then trim off the rinds, add skewers (fine, but not really necessary) and add a pinch of salt. Some people like a little salt sprinkled on their melon! We’re not gonna hold that against anybody!
But then … Then! No, you know what, I’ll wait while you watch the thing for yourself. Go ahead and meet me down below.
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TACO SEASONING??!?! Ain’t nobody expecting that. As it turns out, the spot was created in partnership with McCormick to promote some cooking show called Man Crafted. Or as one Uproxx writer said under the condition of anonymity, “If you’re so insecure about your dick size you have to elaborate prep your watermelon and cover it in MAN SPICES, get a therapist.”
But what … why … Again: Taco seasoning? Suffice to say, the original tweet has since gone viral, and the people demand satisfaction.
https://twitter.com/_icze4r/status/859161959257833472
https://twitter.com/kaijinboyfriend/status/859158621929832450
when he brought out the taco seasoning pic.twitter.com/hFJ0pQ9Yzz
— b (@roundsugar) May 1, 2017
https://twitter.com/Biaise/status/859798151817039874
— Amy McGrath (@missesamac) April 30, 2017
— Tonight, dinner is you 🇵🇸 (@Dinnerisyou) May 3, 2017
I didnt understand how it was going wrong…then it happened
— MiniBoss Mascots (@MiniBossMascots) May 2, 2017
https://twitter.com/salvagedbooks/status/859812636581605376
this is horrible, why
— noah ó donnaile (@iandioch) April 30, 2017
https://twitter.com/kal_dwa/status/859174837666947076
"That's a weird way to cut watermelon but okay"
"I need to try salt on watermelon somet- OH GOD WHY"
— Android Appreciator🔞 (@android_liker) May 2, 2017
https://twitter.com/Me_llamo_Memo/status/859799700995624960
One person even invoked the great “peas in guacamole” debate:
which idea is worse?
— sai✦ (@replysai) May 3, 2017
In conclusion, let this please be the last we hear of putting taco seasoning on watermelon. There are people in the world starving, dammit.