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08.04.09 17 Comments

Today in pointless speculation news, the New York Post wonders whether Robert Downey Jr.’s newer, ‘gayer’ Sherlock Holmes will have an effect on its box office gross.  Wait, what?

Downey has revealed the crimebuster will sleep with and have sweaty grappling scenes with Watson, played by Jude Law, in “Sherlock Holmes,” due out Christmas Day.

“We’re two men who happen to be roommates, wrestle a lot and share a bed. It’s bad-ass,” Downey told Britain’s News of the World. Added Law: “Guy wanted to make this about the relationship between Watson and Holmes. They’re both mean and complicated.”

But Michael Medved, a former Post movie critic, says Downey and Law must be joking. “I think they’re just trying to generate controversy . . . They know that making Holmes and Watson homosexual will take away two-thirds of their box office.” Medved told us. “There’s not a seething, bubbling hunger to see straight stars impersonating homosexuals.” [NYPost]

Medved added, “There isn’t a greasy, throbbing desire for all this gay stuff thickening inside anyone’s jeans, okay?  There aren’t beads of yearning for it running down the crack of anyone’s ass in the male-only steam room.  I don’t have a secret passion for it on the weekends that I keep from my wife and kids.  Trust me on this one, I’m not gay.  I mean, uh, Sherlock Holmes is gay?  That’s gross.”

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Vince Mancini is a writer, comedian, and podcaster. A graduate of Columbia’s non-fiction MFA program, his work has appeared on FilmDrunk, the UPROXX network, the Portland Mercury, the East Bay Express, and all over his mom’s refrigerator.

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