Now that Liz has broken Ann”s winning streak and one of the most gorgeous faces in the competition has been eliminated (oh, Kendal, we hardly knew ye), and the world has officially gone mad — mad, I say! — what more could possibly happen to shock us?
[Full recap of Wednesday’s (Oct. 27) “America’s Next Top Model” after the break…]
Well Esther needs to show more personality, so maybe she”ll … oh wait. Miss Jay just walked into the Top Model house wearing a topknot that looks like a samurai ate Wilma Flintstone. And then Zac Posen is right behind him. What were we talking about before?
Anyway, Posen deigns to discuss his preferences in models with the contestants. Not that he offers any real advice, other than he “loves making stars” and the girls need to figure out their signature walks for themselves. Thanks Mr. Posen! Posen also explains that the next challenge will be a runway show featuring his designs, and that the girls will work with professional models.
While the contestants are getting their fittings, Miss Jay meets with the professional models and instructs them to be super bitchy during the challenge.
“We”ll be mean,” one promises.
Dutifully, when Esther practices her walk, a pro hisses, “she looks constipated.” Another pro reminds Esther about her massive rack, and how that might hurt her chances in the real work.
“I”m well aware,” she shoots back.
Jane walks the runway first and displays her usual lack of personality. Kayla practically blends in with the pros.
Ann, having been properly beaten down by the pros, nonetheless looks almost like a person and not a walking tree. Chelsey and Chris also look pretty darned great despite being clad in head scarves and turtlenecks that look like they were stolen from mee maw”s attic.
Speaking of mee maw, that appears to be the personality that Esther has chosen to go with. No one is impressed.
Mr. Jay then announces that the pros were told to act bitchy, and it was all a test.
“I am sooooo sorry,” one of them lisps.
Right. Then comes Posen, who deems Kayla terrific and Jane bland. Chelsey gets a good review. Ann is given praise for being “rare,” but she needs to work on her confidence.
Back at the house, Mr. Jay shows up with Nigel and announces it”s commercial time. The girls will be on roller skates, kissing boys and selling a made-up prettiness water. Male models will be on deck.
The good news: The shoot is right outside, as is hair and makeup.
Kayla reveals that she has personal problems with intimacy with men. She starts to cry in her makeup chair, and then drops a huge bombshell: she has feared men since she was 11, and she was sexually assaulted. It”s heartbreaking in its own right, but even more so because Kayla has such talent, and it would be a shame for her past to affect her chances for a promising future.
Oh God: Even worse, not a single member of Kayla”s family knows about what happened to her. She has no support structure. Mr. Jay encourages her to get help.
As soon as she has to wrap herself around the male model, she panics. Still, she manages to deliver a performance and impress Mr. Jay.
Liz can”t deliver a line without laughing, infuriating Nigel. Ann can”t speak without crying, for fear of falling on her ass. She falls on her ass anyway.
Jane can”t skate and talk. Chelsey can”t skate. Chris nails her lines, for what it”s worth.
Esther may be the curviest model, but she gives one of the flattest performances of the day.
Back at the house, Kayla gives more details about her abuse: It went on for a year and a half of her life. She also reveals an inner strength that just might get her through the rest of the competition.
Jane is up first. She has a “magic moment” at the end, but she”s still so dull. Liz”s commercial is an insult.
“She was an absolute an utter mess,” Nigel gripes.
“My biggest thing is my daughter,” Liz whines, as if anybody cares. Andre Leon Talley dons his dreckitude face.
Chris”s commercial is a tad cheesy, but charming and earns a round of applause from Tyra. Ann — poor, drippy Ann — is next. She looks like she wants to die.
“I felt like you were in deep pain,” Talley remarks.
“Fear is not endearing,” Nigel notes.
Kayla manages to come off as relatable for a while in her commercial. Chelsey is a little wooden. The good news: She wasn”t Esther.
So who goes home?
The callout: Chris, Jane, Chelsey, Kayla, Liz.
Bottom two: Esther and … whoa, Ann!
At least we know now who is going home, and it”s Esther, of course.
Next week: We”re going to Italy!
Did the right model get sent home?