Recap: ‘Big Brother 11’ Tuesday – Just waiting for the Coup

08.11.09 8 years ago

Sonja Flemming/CBS

Well, it’s been a rough couple of days (weeks? months?) in the BB house. Ronnie’s out, Jeff has super powers, Chima clawed a serial killer, Jeremy Piven walked around unshaven. Wow, I’m winded even thinking about it all. And the fun isn’t over yet, because tonight it’s all about the POV. And for once, everyone’s really excited about it. Sure, they don’t realize the power of Coup D’Etat will just cancel it right out, but whatever, they’re excited anyway.

Okay, before we get down to it, one little thing: does anyone else think Kevin is completely sleepwalking through this game? I know, it’s kind of brilliant, because he’s such a non-entity he isn’t seen as a threat, but how stupid will everyone feel when he gets into the final four or, God forbid, the final two and they realize, whoops, the guy who phoned it in could win the whole thing? Seriously, I think Kevin might have narcolepsy or something. If he actually falls asleep during a challenge, we’ll know.

Moving on.

[Full recap of Tuesday (Aug. 11) night’s “Big Brother” after the break…]

Anyway, Lydia tells us that she thinks Russell is Chima’s real target, but there’s always a chance Russell could butt-smooch his way out of his bad situation, which would be true if Russell didn’t have the world’s worst anger management issues this side of Mel Gibson.

Nathalie, who thinks she knows everything about everything and everyone, tells us Chima that whoever has the wizard power would be stupid to use it, and she’s desperate to get a chance at winning the POV because, um, that stupid person might actually be stupid and use it. And really, I almost wish Jeff would use it to kick Nathalie out on her butt, simply because she’s so annoying and has no reason to be as confident and pushy as she is, since she’s just riding on her pet Jessie’s tailwind. I know she’s a tae kwon do champion, but I’m wondering if that was when she was, oh, 5 or 6 and won by screaming and bitch-slapping her competition.

In the kitchen, Lydia and Russell commiserate over their outsider fate while Russell chops vegetables (hmm, he’s good with a knife, people), and Lydia helpfully points out that Russell has been stabbed in the back by his former allies. This, of course, makes Russell steam quietly, and I think you could cook up whatever he’s fixing just by putting it close to one of his ears.

Elsewhere, Jessie tells Nathalie he thinks Jeff has the power, then Chima says she thought that from the beginning, then Nathalie says no way.  Did anyone else notice Jessie is working up a full head of crazy paranoia this week? He NEEDS to play for the POV, needs it in a way that’s almost a little creepy, and when Chima jokes about whether she’ll pick Jessie or Nathalie to play in the game, I kind of think either one of them might suddenly come at her and get her in a choke hold. Not that that wouldn’t be interesting.

Meanwhile, Russell is well aware that his survival weighs on his kissing lots and lots of behind, so first up he rushes to kiss Jeff’s ass, and tells his good bud he wants to be allied with him and Jordan exclusively, which I guess is supposed to be flattering or something. Facing off with the diary cam, Jeff says he just might do it – but it depends on who wins the POV.

Russell then tries to kiss Michele’s butt by playing pool with her, but he stupidly has to bring up the big fight with her and Chima. Let’s just say cooler heads do not prevail here. Instead of biting his tongue and saying, no, Michele, I don’t think you’re a big ho-bag liar, he starts screaming at her about semantics and calls her a nutcase and a psycho, which, as far as I know, is not exactly kissing ass. Oh, and for good measure he tells her he thinks Ronnie was right about her and she needs medication, which pretty much guarantees Michele will not only vote against him at every opportunity from now on but will possibly cut his Achilles tendons while he sleeps. Michele says, as far as I can tell thanks to network censors, “F” you and storms off.

And not only does she storm off, she storms right into Chima’s HOH room. Why does no one seem to realize the neuroscientist in the house is not a dumb bunny? Michele sees an opportunity to play a trump card and she takes it, getting choked up as she tells Chima and Nathalie how mean Russell is. Chima, acting the part of the evil queen, intones that it’s time to get rid of Russell and Jeff, to which I say, um, good luck with that this week, because Jeff is totally going to bring you a world of hurt soon.

In case we didn’t already get how Chima feels about Russell, she calls him an expletive (really – just expletive, I’m not cleaning this up here) in the diary cam room and invites America to fill in the blank, which is kind of fun, because I can think of lots and lots of words. None of which I will repeat here.

We return from the commercial break and it’s time for the POV competition. Chima draws Nathalie’s name from a hat, while Russell chooses Jeff to play and Lydia chooses Kevin to play. This last part will be important later, so remember that. Chima also invites Michele to play, which implies Michele just might have herself some grrl power teammates after all.

When Russell picks Jeff instead of Jessie, Jessie is beyond angry, and tells us that it’s the end of the road for Russell and Jessie, as if they were a country music duo or a pair of wacky friends on a road trip. But really, he should be happier about this, because everyone playing in the POV challenge has to wear a stinking chicken suit, and that’s just not good.

In yet another insanely boring game in the BB house, everyone has to manipulate an egg up a chicken wire wall and walk it over to a holding station, which is just as exciting as it sounds, which is to say not at all. Kevin tells us he has tiny Asian hands, so he’s screwed, and the next time I can take a good look at his hands I’m totally going to.

Nathalie, because she sucks at pretty much every challenge despite being all fired up to win, sucks at this, too.  The leaders emerge as Lydia, Kevin and Russell, and I think Lydia even stops trying because she sees Kevin taking the lead, and, well, he’s her buddy, right?

Russell, because he’s a big bully, tries to fake Kevin out by screaming not-very-encouraging encouraging words at him, but somehow Kevin actually busts it out and, oh ma God, WINS a challenge! Okay, I take all that back about him sleepwalking through the game. Apparently, he’s good with eggs. Go figure.

But for the first time, Kevin realizes that with great power comes great responsibility, and I think he starts kicking himself for working to hard to win POV, because then he realizes Lydia expects him to use it, and Chima will be pissed if he does, and crap, he’s actually playing the game now and that is seriously cutting in to his nap time.

Russell, who apparently was counting way too much on wining POV, realizes he needs a new plan. Which hopefully doesn’t include kissing anyone’s butt, because apparently kissing butt means going postal in Russell language.

Then, Russell does something stupid.

I’m very sad to report this, because I like Russell. I felt he’d been playing the game, if not well, reasonably well. Okay, he’d yelled and screamed at too many people, but I thought he wasn’t a total pig. He gunned for Ronnie, and I like that in a person.

But Russell, oozing desperation, goes running to Jessie urging him to try to put up Jeff when Kevin uses the POV to save Lydia. But Russell’s still really mad he didn’t get to dress up as a chicken, so he shines Russell on and rats about Russell’s evil plan to, yes, Jeff.

The irony here? Jeff doesn’t believe Jessie. Because he pinky swore or bonded or shared underwear with Russell, and Jessie’s a slimeball, so why should he believe him? Oh, poor Jeff.

Then Jessie runs to tell Jordan about Russell’s evil dealings, leaving Jordan and Jeff to laugh and laugh about what a scumbag Jessie is. And he is, usually, but crap, he’s telling the truth this time! This is so sad, like the little muscle-bound boy who cried wolf or something.

Jordan wonders what she should do if she wins HOH, and Jeff suggests she pit Nathalie and Jessie against each other, which I think is a very excellent plan, so rooting for Jordan to win HOH, oh, yes I am.

Then, we need to see more snarling between Chima and Russell, so Chima yells at him to hurry up in the bathroom, and then he snipes back about her being a brave little person, then Chima tells Russell he should have been on America’s Top Terrorist, then all manner of hellfire breaks out and I have a hard time following what’s happening what with all the screeching and yelling, but I can just make out that Russell calls Chima a terrorist and she calls him a woman-hating punk. Phew. That was a lot of screaming, and my dogs have left the room, because it actually hurts their ears. And mine, too.

After all that excitement, it’s time for Nathalie, Jordan, Jessie, Russell and Chima to enjoy the movie night they won in the luxury competition. The good news is they get tons of junk food and popcorn; the bad news is they have to watch “The Deeds.” Russell tells Chima she needs a muzzle to kick the evening off on the right foot, and Chima tells the confessional cam she’s excited even if she has to share breathing space with her mortal enemy.

After the movie is over, Russell takes his hat off to Jeremy Piven and says he laughed non-stop throughout the movie, which makes me think he’s more of a lying scumbag than I already thought.

Lydia, already sulky because she didn’t get to see the movie with everyone else, whines to Russell that Kevin isn’t going to use the POV to save her, and Russell gets on his chivalrous white horse and says he would if he had it, which is totally a lie but it makes Lydia feel better.

Kevin, unfortunately, overhears that Lydia’s going around whining about his POV tightwadishness, and they have a talk, in which he tells her he’s really mad at her for blabbing about his plans and Lydia points out, um, if he’s not saving her ass why should she shut her mouth? I think she’s almost succeeded in getting Kevin to use his POV, but he naturally looks wishy-washy, so who knows.

Oh, and America, if you haven’t voted already, here’s what you can choose to stuff down the throats of the have-nots:

            jalepeno peppers and pepperoni

            squeeze cheese and kimchi

            sweet pickles and anchovies


Anyway, back to Kevin’s Big Decision. He tortures himself, knowing that he’s losing Lydia or Chima as an ally, and Chima confirms that a vote for Lydia is a betrayal of her great goddess self and she will not be amused.

Finally, it’s time for Kevin to call the POV meeting, and Russell and Lydia are invited to beg for their lives. Russell doesn’t beg, because he doesn’t expect Kevin to save his ass when Lydia’s his friend, which I think is a nice dig from Russell, actually. Lydia tries to flirt with him and calls him her sugar bear, at which point I’d like to remind her, um, that Kevin’s gay and the sexy thing may not work.

And, in fact, it doesn’t. Kevin doesn’t use his POV, and Chima gloats in a very Elizabeth Queen of Scots way that is most unattractive and makes me want someone to chop off her head.

Lydia tells us she’s going to start calling Kevin poopy bear instead of sugar bear, which makes me want to gag a little, and Russell hopes the mystery power will benefit him, which I’m guessing it will. Then, Jessie takes an opportunity to tell America to bit him or something to that effect, because for two weeks he hasn’t felt safe, which makes me want to give him a blanky and a poopy bear and tell him to shut up. Because Jeff will do what he wants come Thursday, and I’m betting it will be gooooooood. Mwahahahahaha!

Do you think Kevin should have saved Lydia? Who do you think Jeff will take out on Thursday? And would you eat kimchi with squeeze cheese?

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