Errrrybody stand back! Jealous Hick has a bomb, and Lorena is crying blood! It’s armageddon at Club Vampire!
Jealous Hick detonates a bomb laced with silver at Godric’s house, and some vampires and humans get done blowed up. One of the dead vampires is Stan, the Urban Cowboy leader of the Dallas nest. Eric shelters Sookie from the blast and orders Vampire Bill to chase after any and all other Sunshine Jesus Camp conspirators in the vicinity. Bill finds a van full of religoids who abetted the bomber and bites one of their Jesus-lovin’ necks.
[Full recap of Sunday (Aug. 16) night’s “True Blood” after the break…]
Isabel, wearing some seriously high hair, crawls about the bomb site in a catsuit. Sookie recovers. Eric is lookin’ all singed and sad and begs Sookie to take the silver shrapnel out of him, which turns her off because it has nothing to do with her preferred hobby of talking. She does Eric’s bidding by biting, because hands won’t work, I guess. Eric seems to get off on it all. Bill comes in and announces Eric has tricked Sookie into drinking his blood, which much mean something serious because Eric is all ha, ha. Turns out, it is kinda evil, y’all. Now Eric will always know where Sookie is, and Sookie will always want Eric to get into her pants.
The survivors all go home, presumably to the Hemophiliac Hilton Dallas.
Meanwhile, back at Vampire Bill’s Downer Pad, Jessica is still dealing with the fact that she will always be a virgin. Hoyt don’t care. He done loves her, and he’s prouda her, and he wants Jessica to meet his mama.
Oooohhh, weee! Tara’s lookin’ a mess, girl! She and Eggs beat each other up last episode and then had sex, but Tara can’t remember none of it, because she blacked out. And hey! Mary-Ann thinks that’s great! She defends the idea of blacking out and says it’s a good thing, and that’s the way you chit-chat with your God. Tara doesn’t get it.
Sam is still in jail along with the orgy detainees, who seem to have multiplied. Everybody’s pissed off and rowdy in there.
Sookie goes to visit her brother Jason, because she’s Sookie, and she needs to talk, talk, talk about something or other. Instead, Jason does the talkin’, about his time with the Soldiers of the Sun. The obligatory Gran moment emerges. Oh, Gran. Sookie and Jason miss you so. Where’s her photo, y’all? What are we gonna gaze at while the gitt-tar strums all soft and sweet? Turns out they CAN’T gaze at the photo because they are now ALL ALONE in this mean ol’ world. NO PHOTOS of GRAN ALLOWED. Then they turn on the tee-vee and Steve and Sarah are on there defending themselves. They seem dumb, even to Jason.
Red-Headed Slacker Waitress Mom is having a shot of whisky in the middle of her shift at Merlotte’s. She wonders to Lafayette about whether a curse may be flyin’ about in Bon Temps, what with the murderin’s and the heart-rippin’s. Lafayette and Red-Headed Slacker Waitress Mom agree to get each other’s backs. Terry is acting more bizarre than usual because he can’t remember having sex with Red-Headed Slacker Waitress Mom. He gets over it.
Tara comes in to Merlotte’s lookin’ all beat-up. Lafayette sees this and faces down Eggs, accusing him of bein’ poison. They almost go at it before Tara separates them.
Hoyt is tryin’ to prep his mama ’bout meetin’ his new girl. Over grilled-cheese-and-potato-chip sandwiches, mama tries some sort of guilt routine. But Hoyt stands up to her.
“You are full of hate,” Hoyt accuses. “I see it now.”
Well, yeah, but she makes a right-good fried-up tater sandwich.
Now there’s a fantasy scene where it looks like Eric and Sookie are nekkid and have just been gittin’ it on. Then they talk and talk because this is Sookie, here. Then they git it on agin in the fantasy dream. This one scene between Eric and Sookie carries more chemistry than Sookie ever had with Vampire Bill, and the VAMPIRE BILL ACTOR is ENGAGED to the SOOKIE ACTRESS IN REAL LIFE.
Mary-Ann shows up at the jail and the orgy inmates freak out. Then Sam sees a fly in his cell. It seems like a smart fly, like maybe a person who has turned into a fly. Or maybe it’s just that the fly wants something, real bad. Either way Sam seems to get some new idea in his head. Could it have to do with turning into a fly and escapin’?
Mary-Ann makes the sheriff’s eyes go black and she takes his keys and goes to find Sam in his cell. But Sam is not in his cell. That pisses Mary-Ann off and she frees all the orgy freaks. You! Make your eyes go black! I’ll make my eyes go black! Let’s ALL make our eyes go black! It’ll be an orgy! Or not. The inmates all just leave.
Hoyt’s Mama and Jessica ain’t gittin’ along so well at their summit at Merlotte’s. Mama gets real mean and tells Jessica she can’t make babies. Hoyt says he ain’t never comin’ home to Mama agin. Not never.
Over at Mary-Ann’s House O’ Good Times, people are playin’ cards and drinkin’ when Lafayette busts in and has Tara’s mama with him. They comin’ to take Tara home, but it ain’t workin’. Mary-Ann tries to tempt Tara’s mama with alcohol but that don’t work neither, so Mary-Ann makes Tara’s and Eggs’s eyes go black. Tara attacks! But it don’t work! And Tara gets taken away by the people what love her! And there’s that smart fly again watchin’ everything!
Godric is being debriefed on his kidnapping by that scrappy vampire lady who is on TV all the time. Godric reveals that he volunteered to be imprisoned by the Jesus Campers for I don’t know why. The TV lady vampire fires Godric as sheriff, and Godric is all, OK! Then Sookie stands up for Godric by saying all the good things he done. Then Godric makes a big speech about a lot of stuff, and how he done wrong, but he does not reveal the greatest vampire secret of all, which is why vampires’ faces are always white on this show, but their necks are not.
Hoyt’s Mama is still at Merlotte’s gittin’ drunk when Mary-Ann busts in and makes everybody’s eyes go black and demands that they all go find Sam and bring him forth. (Turns out Sam is nekkid and at Bellefleur’s motel.)
Vampire Bill gets interesting for a second and punches Eric. Then Vampire Bill gets sad because Sookie wants to go seek out Godric and talk talk talk to him because the ex-vampire-sheriff is in pain.
“Sookie in all honesty, what can you do for him?” Bill asks.
Talk and talk and talk, that’s what!
Turns out Eric is already talking and talking at Godric. Godric seems to indicate he wants to die, for I don’t know why.
It all makes Eric beg and whine all high-pitched like a little girl. Then Eric volunteers to die with Godric, and it’s all very sad, but Godric commands Eric, as a maker, to git. Sookie volunteers to stay with Godric while the sun comes up on the rooftop of the Hemophiliac Hilton, and the vampire starts to cook, and there’s the CGI smoke to prove it. You know what? Godric almost sparkles when the sun comes up. The Adobe After Effects then do the rest, and Godric passes on to wherever vampires goes when they’re dead.
Thoughts on Sunday’s “True Blood,” readers?