The Morning Read (4.13.09) On Green Chicks (Again) and B-Movies

04.13.09 9 years ago 4 Comments

Paramount Pictures

Yeah, so… that Weekend Read?  Didn’t happen.

And I’m not surprised.  As I’ve said at least one other time since starting here at HitFix, blogging isn’t the same thing as what I was doing at Ain’t It Cool.  It’s much more demanding of time and attention, and if I’m going to have content here for you to read in any sort of timely manner, I have to pace myself.  I have to set aside specific time to work on specific things, and then hopefully give you enough to read of enough variety to stay engaged.  It’s that simple, isn’t it?  I’m asking you to check this blog on a daily basis, so maybe I should make sure there’s something here each day that I think is worth sharing.  Many times each day if I’m really doing my job right.  I’m not just writing reviews or feature stories for Ain’t It Cool, or editing a few news pieces.  It’s a much higher volume job.  And I’ve always, always, always got ideas about how to improve things.

So if you notice me trying new features out or article types, feel free to tell me what you like and what you don’t, and what you want more of and what you want less of.  I’m hoping that as I hone my chops, the goal is to give you a steady and reliable stream of content that best reflects the conversation between the writer and his readership.

There’s a lot of people out there thinking about this sort of thing.  People who make their living providing online content.  People who work in other media, but who are realizing that it’s all moving towards one giant Great Media Singularity, where everything just comes into your home in one fat-ass digital gravy pipe, with news and TV feeds and channels a la carte and subscriptions to studio film libraries where you can just watch whatever you want whenever you want and your e-mail and your Tweets and your online heartbeat monitor and your video games and your movies will all sync up… because isn’t that what it’s evolving toward at a gallop?

We’ll all be living in the Matrix soon enough.  Some of us just already have real estate here.

[more after the jump]

I love it when someone issues a mea cupla with style and grace, and Shawn Levy’s self-flagellation over a bit of Gus Van Sant non-news last week is a funny example of how to conduct yourself in the blogosphere.

Karina Longworth, a smart lady I had the pleasure of serving on a jury with at Fantastic Fest last year, wrote a very good piece on how Twitter is changing the way people relate to or understand filmmakers.  I think she makes some astute points in the piece, and I also think we’re at the very start of public figures learning how to use this new social media to connect to their audience.

It was on Twitter that my buddy Kevin (who just focus-grouped his first pilot, the Courtney Cox sitcom “Cougartown, according to his Tweets of the last few days) posted a link to a hilarious LiveJournal entry about a piece of particularly purple prose.  My favorite part of the whole thing is in the links at the bottom of the page, where someone did a photoshop composite that made all the awful metaphors literal.  It’s a nightmare.

There are more and more options for viewing movies online these days… legally.  Which is a great thing.  And sometimes, some real gems turn up.  I only just found out about AMC’s B-Movies site, and it’s going to keep adding more and more titles, which is great news.  There are already several winners available, and might I suggest starting with Dick Miller in the crackerjack little “Rock All Night”?

I can’t believe I can just embed a genuinely great little movie like that right here on the blog, and it’s actually a really nice print.  Crazy.  That sort of thing really changes the way we can share films with each other as film lovers, and I think it’s wonderful.  I can’t believe I’ve gone from pre-home video to this in my lifetime.

If anything, Eric D. Snider goes easy on the vile and freaky “Garbage Pail Kids Movie” in this piece.  I have this on DVD, and it’s actually filed in one of my “horror movies” binders.

Nothing stays a secret forever.

I really like the latest version of the Fangoria logo.  I was just noticing it when I was looking at their exclusive photos from the Bollywood horror film “Hiss.”  Directed by Jennifer Lynch, the film stars Malika Sherawat, a huuuuge star in India who is a total POA in any country.  In the film, she’s a snake woman.  And if you’ve ever wondered if you would have sex with a snake woman, check out Fango’s exclusive images for your definitive answer.

And speaking of Fangoria, a moment in nerd history has ended with the official word that Starlog will no longer be published as a magazine.  Starlog is one of the reasons you are reading my words here today.  That magazine enabled me to feel connected to a world of fandom that actually took silly genre movies seriously, and that gave me permission to follow my own interests wherever they took me.  I cannot overstate how important that magazine was to me for many years.  I’m sorry, even though I don’t read it currently, to read of its demise.

Kim Voynar considers the hall of mirrors that is the notion of “objective truth” in documentary filmmaking.

If you make a comedy that actually offends a website called CelebStoner, you may indeed have crossed some lines somewhere.  This guy almost reads like he’s angry at Jody Hill and the cast and crew.  I wouldn’t worry, though, guys… if this guy ever tried to do something about how unhappy he is with the film, you could just distract him with something.  As always, Kim Morgan knows what’s up.

Peter David wrote an incredulous piece about a woman who announced her intentions to publish a novel featuring story and characters from the Stephanie Myers “Twilight” books, and who actually made some insane claim that she had the legal right to do so.  David found it somewhat mind-boggling that anyone could be so clueless about copyright.  I wonder if he’s read this follow-up interview with the “author.”

Sylvester Stallone’s “The Expendables” appears to be a sort of truly independent affair.  The official production blog for the film, complete with the first image from the movie, is so low-rent it looks like a fansite.  I sort of like that.

It’s killing me that Paramount isn’t showing “Star Trek” to the LA press for a while.  I’m hearing the end of April before any of us see it.  And yet they screened it for TrekMovie, and we’re seeing reviews posted by guys like Garth of Dark Horizons.  Seems like this particular time, it doesn’t pay to be Los Angeles press.  It’s not getting any easier to wait when I see clips like this one:

And speaking of “Star Trek,” we’re going to wrap it up this morning with a story that should shame masturbating dorks across the entire Internet.  And I reluctantly include myself in that grouping.  Back on March 31st, I ran a story as part of a Morning Read about how disappointing and sort of off-putting the makeup was for the Green Chick in the new “Trek” film.  I mentioned how smoking hot Diora Baird, who was reported to be playing the Green Chick, normally is, and I also linked to this angry post from the dude over at Film Drunk.  Good guy.  Funny guy.  NSFW pictures in a big way.  And, somehow, competely wrong.  In fact, everyone who linked to the photo anywhere that day was wrong.  Because everyone kept identifying the girl as Diora Baird.

But it ain’t.

Now, Diora Baird may in fact be playing a Green Chick in “Star Trek.”  I certainly thought that was the case. But the image that you see attached to this column this morning?  That’s not her.  And I’m surprised no one who has actually seen the film has commented on how wrong everyone was.  Because that’s Rachel Nichols in the photo, who’s appeared on “Alias” and in films like “P2” and “The Amityville Horror.”  She’s quite beautiful in her own right, but doesn’t look anything like Diora Baird.  And to make matters worse, it’s not like it was a secret that Nichols was in the film as a Green Chick.  Back in December of 2007, it was reported that Nichols was playing an Orion Slave Girl


I’m still not sold on that particular make-up and that hair, but I hope it’s clear… I think Nichols herself is fairly spectacular.  My disappointment was just with the design work on the character, and not with the actress.  But I think I have to admit that my crush on Baird can’t be as bad as I thought it was if I can’t even tell her apart from Rachel Nichols.  Or maybe it’s the make-up.  Which means… all green people look alike to me.  Good lord, am I racist against green people?!  Consider my world rocked, and I’m going to go try to recover from this realization.  Lots more content coming today, and this week, so I’ll see you back here soon.

The Morning Read appears here every day, Monday through Friday.  Except when it doesn’t.

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