Eddy Curry Is a Cowboy, On A Steel Horse He Rides: He’s Wanted *WANTED* Dead or Alive

07.01.10 8 years ago 4 Comments

THEY PUT ME IN THE BASKETBALL GAME!!

Eddy Curry better have some good disguises in his wardrobe, preferably ones that will make him a foot shorter, if he wants to continue walking around as a free man because there has officially been an arrest warrant issued after he failed to report to court many, many times. Either Curry likes the feeling of being an outlaw on the run or he’s lost his cell phone charger and can’t figure out how to replace it. Given Curry’s history of being a gigantic dumbass, I’ll take the latter.

[Reporters have been] told Cook County sheriff’s deputies are now actively looking to arrest New York Knicks center Eddy Curry and dispatched a marked squad car to Curry’s Burr Ridge home Wednesday morning.

A week ago, a Cook County judge issued a warrant for Curry’s arrest, stemming from his failure to comply with orders in a civil case.

For a week, sheriff’s staff have been attempting to do that, expecting Curry to show up with his attorney and the required $150,000 cash bond he needs to remain free pending the next court hearing. -Chicago Sun Times

The incident, which is just a civil case involving a personal injury lawsuit filed by a ‘Christina White’, should never have had police involvement at all, but because of Eddy Curry’s microscopic levels of intelligence he now has the boys in blue hot on this trail. What’s he have to do that’s so important? Make sure his 14-inch-vertical-leap is intact? Search the phonebook to make sure he hasn’t missed any Curry’s in his ongoing quest to make everybody with his surname financially secure? Film his run from the law to make an extremely boring documentary that he will sell in an attempt to escape from the clutches of his inevitable bankruptcy? Maybe he’s started a new life as Big Bird at Sesame Place. The possibilities are endless, really. If he’s going through some psychological problems I’m going to feel so bad.

When you google ‘Eddy Curry stupid‘ you come up with 22,400 results. In comparison, if you google MY real name you only come up 4,090. That should tell you all you need to know about the levels of Curry’s thought deficiency.

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